Memory Pool

Heroinisms: Flying up there and beyond

2006-06-03T17:46:00.001+08:00

(a post made in June 1, 2006)I bathed in sweat this morning. Drops of liquid trickled down my damp neck and down, strands of wet hair flat on my forehead. I was roused from my uneasy sleep, but chose to stay a little bit more in bed. I was still dreaming, and I wanted to extend the dream even if I’ve already gained back consciousness… The sun was up and the sky showed no sign of rain for today. The early morning sunshine came in to my room. The early morning sunshine was what it always was, hot and merciless. The heat was inside. I was hot. Sweating hot. My white pillow sheets absorbed the dampness, while its pure cuddly goodness helped me remember the dream I had before waking up. With a little twist of imagination, and recalling my past when the dream used to be real, I was back on track.After sniffing up the last grain of Mr. Sandman’s dream dust, I set my foot on my tiled bedroom floor, my other leg lazily bended on my bed as if thinking whether to follow the other leg or not. I breathed air in deeply, yup, I was still alive. Not long after, my other leg went down. Good leg, now get going.My messed up hair was a style on its own. No amount of Aquanet could ever make my hair stick up as wildly as it was when I got up from bed. The sun shone through the strands, my hair was becoming more brownish… or it could’ve been just because of the sun. I got my purple soft scrunchy and without combing, I tied my hair up in a ballerina bun and went out to change my clothes. I checked the 500 piece puzzle I have been working since yesterday morning in the dining room table. Seems like the elves didn’t go sneaking in the other night. The puzzle was left undone, unfitted pieces laid around the partially finished artwork. I fitted a few pieces before getting the walis and pandakot. “Just a few more” I said. It’s been an hour and I was still left with 30 pieces. (Flashback: I slept at around 12:30 a.m. in attempt to finish the puzzle. I wouldn’t have stopped if it wasn’t because of a quick brown-out which happened at 12. I took it as a sign to stop.)My life isn’t as interesting as others. My mom doesn’t go out for work in laboratories, cloning cockroaches. My dad doesn’t work for a company in Uganda. My dogs, although I’m quite proud that they’re a bit out of the ordinary, are not celebrities like Shiloh or Lassie or Benjie. They’re plain old Bridgette, Kelsey, and Popo. And I, though I’m a self-professed frustrated writer/ artist, I still haven’t earned much to legitimize my claim. And here I am, amusing myself with a big puzzle. All the thinking made me think more. The more I realized I was wasting time. I stared at the puzzle for a moment. I thought it’d be nice if I read a few pages of a novel, and so I did. The heat was in my brain now. I took a bath.

getting relief from pain

2006-05-29T19:34:00.000+08:00

I find solace here at the internet cafe near our house. Despite the occasional noise from the gaming room (this day's really good, no players came today I guess,) the white walls make my eyes rest, my mind focused, and absolutely connected to the life I should be having (which I may have purposely deprived myself of...) The world is under my typing hands now, that's if this third attempt to be here would get noticed.

I should be posting something about my bookapades but I'd save that some other time. Although I have already found peace in here, I think I'd also want to go home with at least some money in my pocket (darned house internet connection.)

Melisa Bank have written words in a voice I have always tried to have. I practice to have my own style, but recently (actually just yesterday,) I found a book called A Girl's Guide to Fishing and Hunting but the said name, and found myself impressed by how pulling the book was. Without wanting to regret anything for the day, I imitated my brother and told myself "I'll come back for you later. If you're still here, I was really meant to buy you."

To put it short, the book was where I left it and after choosing two books (the other one was Love Treasury with quotes about love from different famous names like Kafka and Tolstoy) I settled on buying the novel instead (I know how love feels, may have been fooled by it, but I know what it is.) I also thought that being reminded of how painful love can be's the last thing I need right now. So there, I went out from Book Sale with a giddy smile, feeling I just made the right decision... I'd say i did.

Kuya and I trekked the whole of SM Mall of Asia just like the tireless mall rats that we are. We went to all the bookshops there was and ranted after every few steps about how many people there was and how it affects the air conditioning. Kuya'd say "is it just me, or is it really hot in here?"
On our fourth bookshop stop (Power Books), I got myself Love in the time of Cholera. The same book in my ultimate love flick Serendipity.

I'm not taking the painful parts of the book against it (A Girl's Guide...) I mean, the book wasn't even written for me. But what should have been the lighter, mushy, squeeze-yourself parts, where the ones that tore my insides to pieces. I know the feeling's inappropriate now that I... well... sigh. The problem with carrying self burdens. hehe... it's just all gone now. I may not have wanted it but... sigh.

Well, that's all for me to swallow. The aftertaste may change anyway. I just couldn't tell now.

MALL GALORE!

2006-05-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

I was at the SM Mall of Asia Yesterday (May 25) and wow... It's absolutely mall heaven...

A lot of people... like thousands of them probably... and among them I saw...

I had my pic taken beside a huge bottle of Coke! Now how's that for a fun mall?! hehe, you won't get to see a lot of those in one day, seriously! hehehehe.

Edell invited me to go out for a movie at Mall of Asia... really rare invite.

dearies and babies... Lady crap-a-lot

2006-05-24T18:39:00.000+08:00

I’m gonna work really soon. It’s not another one of my plans to apply somewhere, assuming that I’ll get accepted wherever I want to. Some may remember me, hesitating to answer a direct “yes” whenever asked if I want to work in a call center. Ask me that question again, I’d probably still be hesitant to admit it… or actually, be partially thrilled to confess that what once was my last option, is where I’ll be in the coming days.
I have let the chance of applying for my most dreamed of publication job pass me by in a crackling, time freezing snap… *snap*
Once I applied for the first time and gone through an initial interview in a company for the first time. Passed a stimulation exam again for the first time. And surprise surprise, got accepted for my first ever job after my first ever final interview. Where? At a call center. All right, a prestigious call center at that, I’ll give ‘em props.
I haven’t started yet so what’s with the ranting? I’d assume right now that you don’t know me yet. Well, welcome to my mind, where every bit of life is a point to rant about.
But then again, what do I know. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad after all. For one thing, I’ll be moving out, which is like, what I’ve always wanted. Second, it’s going to be in Makati, a not-at-all-bad place to be in (much more, live in.) And… hmmm… perhaps if I’m in a better mood, I’d be able to find more reasons to be happy about this unexpected career thing. Oh, Jen’s gonna be there and so would Tosch, two people I’m close to and could talk to when I get there (and share my wrath with if ever.) Top reason would I guess be having a job. Get my own moolah and stuff…
So what’s new? I have had a sissy-ish interest with miniskirts and how much change it could do to a massively gifted person like moi and also how it goes so well with high wedges. I have been sleeping so much lately that I usually get dream hang-overs. I have a pimple, which seriously sucks having it that I haven’t had one for the longest time. The 50 pesos Globe unlimitxt have kept me sane and awake for most of my not-sleeping hours. My book of quotes is almost filled up, and still my phone’s full with even more of ‘em. I’m getting a job and losing the least bit of my life, that’s what’s new! Hmf.
Ate May celebrated her birthday last Monday. Kuya Mark (with Kuya Jeff and Ariel) picked me up from my house to Island Cove (Fisherman’s Deck) and met up with the others. Fun night actually, although I was quiet for the most parts. I didn’t want to compete with the amplifiers near our table so I let myself fly into space while I eat my sisig and drink my “Sweet Surrender.” Oooh, not only the name’s good, the cocktail stood well by its name. Ate May’s boyfriend came, mushy time the two lovebirds had.
What is it with me and…? Damn. I…, totally I do. But… If only I can go to… with… I will… him good, so good.
I don’t now anymore. Argh, I know but sh*t, I don’t want to!
Love happens to be my fuel. No matter how bad it goes for me, I keep running with it, living with it, grasping every tiny bit of it until there isn’t anymore to hold on to… I’ve so many to say… not now.

---I'll be starting in July 4 pa! Wow, 4th of July... so American...

PICS PICS!!!

sentiments

2006-03-31T17:54:00.000+08:00

I got off the phone at well pass 11. Since I took my vitamins right before the call (before nine o’clock), I didn’t feel tired that quick. Closing my eyes without falling asleep felt like a short eternity. I’d fake a sleep, feel the time pass slowly in long stretches, finding out that only a few minutes have passed in my cellphone. And then finally, Mr. Sandman came to drizzle his dust on me, the sparkly kind that doesn’t induce sniffles when you breathe it in. And then, I started flying over a field of doughnuts.
One hour more… my sanity for the rest of the day depends on it…
Behind the shower curtain, with the music coming from my little transistor radio, I felt like the lead in this sucky TV series, with the credits popping out of nowhere. Guess it’s just another day like all the rest (or a bit better, depends on how I’ll do things. Knowing me, heck, it’d me a miracle if I don’t screw things up. Sigh.)
Consider me jobless. It’s a pain that I couldn’t call myself a student and use it as an excuse for not earning and contributing to the economic growth of the country. Ugh, plain crap. Now, instead of über late articles and project due dates, I have job finding to preoccupy my mind. I can’t be a bum for long.
This is like the beginning of my longest dreams. The starting line to my most serious race. Sitting will never get me anywhere (well, depends where I’m sitting…hmmm.) And so I must find a job, no matter what. Damn, I just don’t think I’m competitive enough. Yeah, cool, I finished in La Salle, but it doesn’t always follow that I’m automatically given a bright future after college. Not that I’m whining about it. I very well know what’s in for me. But within the four years of staying in, honestly, I don’t feel it’s enough. Oh… I think I’m getting it… I wasted my time. Yup. Chances were there. I let them pass me. Damn.
Blaming would be worthless right now, like totally useless. It’s done. Who would make use of rants and fault finding now that everything’s over? Now that I’m in the aftermath, all I can do is make use of the things I accumulated from the past, and bravely face the future. I can fix my mess up anytime I choose to. And I’d say, that time is now.

Nearing the end

2006-03-16T09:28:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to post a ready made short story I made for Purple, but apparently, it's not with me... ho hum...

March 24, oh gawd we're actually graduating. I still can't make complete sentences. I'm running out of words and, and my brain's like really preoccupied right now. Truth is I have loads to do today... let's just say I'm fuelling my brain right now to get it working for the whole day.

But with the quality of writing I'm doing right now, I don't think I'll be going too far.

I friggin know what I want to do with my life, i just don't know how i'll do it. New York, advertising, big money... fame. The glitter and glamour. But how... when... why?

what for...

March 2, I went to one of Niccolo Cosme's photo shoot in Imus and the following pics are all I got in my prehistoric diskette... or as Niccolo puts it... grunt... the wide grinning guy's him, the other one's his New Yorker apprentice...

and now here are my vanity pics... yeah... vain (see... i'm so not making any sense)

Blog post...

2006-03-10T13:52:00.000+08:00

I am sitting waiting wishing. Thesis Thesis Thesis...

Entry 70

2006-01-31T03:52:00.001+08:00

Ano ngayon kung binabasa mo blog ko? Go ahead and read. Imelda? So what if she's crazy, what would that do to you? That didn't keep you from leaving now did it? That's what you're good at, leaving whenever you want to and act naturally afterwards. Damn good you are, raise your head up high and proud. I won't change my cynicism for you. As if that would even matter...

Grad rings were shown today. Big bulky ones like what Mr. T used to wear. Never really got myself amused to those but by seeing the miniscule "De La Salle dadada" engraving, i was like, wow man, who'd stop to take out a magnifying glass to read that?

Renan. yea you're good. Too bad I'm not.

To my girl, you be happy all you want ayt? Live the moment!

I, hang by a rope, no one's holding... and I, walk, in shards of brooooken glass, no one's watching. Then the sun rises up and says hi, I tilt my head up, high towards the sky, and I say blind me by the shining rays, like your promise of brightness, that turned in disgrace, oh i say save me, from the mess i have made. tonight you'll be gone again, and tomorrow might be too late...
-remember when i asked you why do i have to be so weak? coz you took advantage of my vulnerability, that's why...

-guts you have to say i get mad easily...

Entry 70

2006-01-31T03:52:00.000+08:00

This is Thesis

2006-01-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

+++++++++++
I'm at Jo's fixin and polishin our thesis and and getting ready for um for oiur defense tomorrow, like yeah. hehehe

gettin' late, gtg

+++++++++++

Passing quality time

2006-01-20T12:30:00.000+08:00

-i'm supposed to be here in school to do the newscasting project in broadjourn, but being me... engh, i am the procrasti-naytah! yeah... nuthin to brag about, nuthin to be proud of either. but... ho hum.

-who's in the pic? I bet the whole CAD faculty knows (hehehe)

-i'm hungry... what time is it? I think it's almost 1...

-last dat of Cinema Nicotine. I'm supposed to be there too, but i'm here... can't be there while being here right...

-moving on

hrmmm...

2006-01-15T14:42:00.000+08:00

I don't know what exactly happened here in my blog... hmmm... hope it gets fixed. I'll get on with this some other time.

...

2006-01-09T18:29:00.000+08:00

Love Is Tragic
Love Is Bold
You Will Always
Do What You Are Told
Love Is HardLove Is Strong
You Will Never Say That You Were Wrong

I Don't Know When I Got Bitter
But Love Is Surely Better When It's Gone

Love is color
Love is loud
Love is never saying you're too proud
Love is trusting
Love is honest
Love is not a hand to hold you down

I don't know when I got bitter
But love is surely better when it's gone

I got to pick me up when I am down
I got to get my feet back on the ground
I got to pick me up when I am down

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Fear falls down like rain
And it makes me whole again
Fear falls like rain

Take me as I am
I'm not broken
Pieces of my life are not tokens
I want to let you know that I'm still learning
How to love again and stop hurting

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tonic lyrics... love 'em...

it's getting late, gotta go.

say what what now?

2006-01-05T15:33:00.000+08:00

1. Intentionally missed van to ride in aircon bus to SM
2. Figured my shoes won't make it to school, went to imus to get other pair at cousin's place
3. Jeep ride was wild... the bad kind
4. Renan's so pissed off at me, i'm getting the idea, but i still don't get the real deal... ugh
5. Lunch out
6. Happy finally
7. Interview in a while
8. no class today by the way
9. hoping for isaw later...
10. Mock defense tomorrow... crap

normalcy... now what?

2006-01-03T19:27:00.000+08:00

ok so like i'm not myself lately (or i'm manifesting the real celine angue, just that i haven't been aware of it... ever)... yea i know nonsense. as if anybody ever stopped by in here and read. now that tosch is out busy with call center crap and stuff, this blog crap has gone lifeless.

b.o.r.i.n.g

no what...

i watched SAVED last night. i didn't sleep through the movie so i guess that's something to be proud of.

i don't know what to say anymore i'm just really killing time.

si imelda baliw

2005-12-31T16:32:00.000+08:00

Di na naman kailangan pang sabihin sa mundo ang katotohanan na'to. Siguro, normal pa siyang maituturing, pero...

bakit ko nga ba nasabi na baliw sya kung wala naman akong nalalaman sa "sikolohiya"... phsychology... utak ng tao... pare-pareho lang lahat yan. Basta para sa'kin, yun ang alam ko.

Maingay ang lugar kung nasaan ako ngayon. Wala pang bagong taon, nakakarindi na... pano pa mamaya. Internet shop. Ragnarok. Kamusta naman? Pero sige, naririnig ko pa ang talatak ng keyboard... teka... di naman akin 'yun ah.

Yung litrato? Gusto ko... maganda. Paborito ko ang orange. At yung nakalagay mismo sa litrato... gusto ko rin... sabihin ko man na personal, obvious naman kung bakit.

Bagong taon? Ano naman. Bukas, ito parin ako. Walang magbabago. Isang araw lang. Tulad ng iba, tulad ng kahapon, tulad nung isang linggo. Ang January 1 ay tulad lang ng kung anong araw sa June o September. Ang mangyayari bukas ay nakasalalay sa tao na makakaabot pa kinabukasan. Sana isa pa'ko dun.

Pangako ng gobyerno... Sige, asa lang ng asa (habang kumakayod kabayo...) Mga pangako ay mga salitang may kapangyarihan. Pero depende lang din kung maniniwala ka o hindi. Ako? Sa dami ng nasabi na sa'kin... bahala na.

2006. Ano naman. 2006, bagong taon, oo, naniniwala ako, bagong simula.

Pero madami parin na hindi ko babaguhin. Sa ayoko.

Eh ikaw? Tigilan mo'ko, ngayon palang nagbago ka na.

I laugh from funny

2005-12-30T16:42:00.000+08:00

Geez... I really find boredom fun lately. I realized that I'd rather choose doing nothing over doing...well... something acads related.

Burning my life away in net cafes (erm...burning valuable money that is) and thinking effort on crap like this...

after a few days, i will return to this page and pity myself for writing such lifeless blog entry...

poor me. at least am not obliged to do something! well... not as of now that is..

engh.. fine then i'll go.

Bakit kasi

2005-12-28T18:26:00.000+08:00

I was about to do it... I just didn't have the guts to...

Someday I really have to be human enough to make her know...

God... I am a fly stuck in fly paper... slowly dying but still struggling.

Pag namatay ang langaw... pag dumating ang panahon na nasabi ko na ang dapat sabihin... mag iiba na ako... hindi na tulad na madungis na langaw na dati'y lumilipad lipad upang abalahin ang iba...

...............................................
i am torn... i still need you. but these thoughts i can only keep until they fill up and rot my brain... i really need you.
...............................................

naiinis na'ko... dramatic life this is. economy's getting better anyway, so that won't be the least of my concern for now...

Here I go again

2005-12-27T18:27:00.000+08:00

I have overused my time in this net cafe and I should have been out a few minutes ago to buy something more important...

so why the heck am i still here?

oh, weird thing, edell called up xmas morning. The oddest that has ever happened really. I mean, the freak calling me? The dust bunny? And I din't even want to pick the phone up at first. Really weird. Dude, if you're reading this, I know you got the wrong number. Don't worry about it hehe. Twas like, "what?"

"merry christmas"

"ako ba talaga tinatawagan mo?"

"what?!" "

huh"

"merry christmas"

"hmmm...yeah merry christmas......bye"

"bye"... hang up...

weird.

...................................................
my world... he left I don't know when he's coming back...
...................................................

awww..sob sob...sniff.

Damn Juvenile LOVE!!! And Purple said, >>well, damn juvenile love's better than damn juvenile sex.<< Damn talaga. Damn you all!!!! I wonder what Purp really meant about it... hmmm...

MERRY CHRISTAMS!!

2005-12-24T19:44:00.000+08:00

Typo intended...

misa de gallo in a few hours...

good food at home...

hmmm... I actually don't have too much to say.

FRIENDS marathon last night. Chocolate got me sick...for some time.

Grrr, no words. Merry CHristmas! hehe

Damn you all!

2005-12-13T20:19:00.000+08:00

Purple and I went back to the slums again today to make some updates and fix the plans for the Christmas party this Friday. Damn talaga, like you have so many great things planned ahead, then suddenly you realize you don't have enough moolah... Damn you Ayala, Damn you Cojuangco, to hell with you Sharon Cuneta! Damn you all world who just don't give a damn!

I go now, go on and study. Friggin test. Dang!

...am trying new templates... I wonder which would work best...

GRrrrrRrr...

2005-12-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

You guys! I am sooo recommending ya'll to watch "Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros"... aww gawd... I'll see if I can make another post in here later, I'm at a net cafe and they'll be closing any time soon... anyway, so there. THis movie made me cry. I mean, Titanic got my chin shaking, An American Tale got my nose congested, but this really made my tears fall.

Yes Cholo! I watched it by myself! Sad life this is, wish I could have watched it with you. Let's go watch something on a weekend;p

Shout outs to Cholo, Jay and Philippine Daily Inquirer correspondent for the 23rd SEA Games JP. You guys don't know just how much you're helping me with my therapy. What therapy? You don't know. hehehe. There you go. my post for today...or is it... heck, ima spare my words for some other time.

Uttering Utterance

2005-12-02T18:29:00.000+08:00

I don’t know if this always happens, that once in your life, you’ll finally realize that you really do have your own life. I’m not really sure if this goes to everybody because I do know some who until now, doesn’t know their worth and live their lives as to conform to the lives of others (sucky! And they’re like what; a bit or much older than me… sigh).

I really do find solace in solitude. Yesterday, I went for another round at McDonalds and ate there by my lonesome. For a table for two, I placed my bulging big bag on one seat, and I sat on the other. I got myself a good poetry book before I left school. With a good read, you could never really be alone. With a book, you don’t have to talk and not be heard, you’re a listener more than a reader. Sigh, or was it just me who was hearing things… but really, its nice being alone sometimes.

If time wasn’t made as how it is now (say there are only 2 hours in a day and 720 minutes…or no…no hours, no minutes, no seconds, only the moon and the sun to define time), would people ever be late? Would people know how long they’ve stayed alive and how long they’ve been living with other people? I guess tough luck when it rains. Everybody stops and sleep until the sun rises up again.

What if words don’t have meanings? What if one day we talk our heads off not knowing what it is we’re blabbering about? Love would be the same as a dog’s yelp and it would never stimulate the human emotion again…

Nobody ever told me life would be easy. I never expected it to be anyway

Getting back here again!...spft...pathetic

2005-12-02T18:21:00.000+08:00

I don’t really know what has gotten into me but lately, I’ve been feeling different. Whatever it is I feel though, I sure am thankful it’s not anything bad like last semester…
Last semester simply showed me life at its crappiest (for me, there are different levels in a bad life: too bad, so sad, what the hell, why me, crappy, aw sh*t, no more and inexplicably horrid). But of course, when life turns out really bad, whatever’s happening, it will always seem inexplicably horrid (for me at least). Though considering being a victim of, let’s say hurricane Katrina or an AIDS patient in Africa, my problem’s a tick compared to them. So… yeah, crappy sem last sem was.
But that’s all done now, thank God. I’ve been using my brain more often now, which is like not a usual thing, that’s why I guess I sort of automatically shut down in any given time (mental overload, Celine drops energy in five, four… meeeeep… Celine sits staring, not responding to outer stimulus). And I must also give myself some props for being productive, it is about time.
Blogs doesn’t always work well with too many personal impositions and a humble regard of self-righteousness, so I better cut this and return when I have other sensible things to say.

btw: Renan, go check the image, you think this would look good as a blog template? I am sooo in dire need of your iPod...no wait no...your help your help! hehehe;p i made it myself and I'm like, wow. what spirit posessed me haha.

Spitting words

2005-11-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

just dropping.

I said I smile I said I'm fine

2005-11-05T20:30:00.000+08:00

Just got back from Riverview Resort, Calamba Laguna for the HF midyear workshop, and man was it fun. I really need to get going right now but I'll write all about it tomorrow...sana. Basta, HF people rocks! I love 'em guys so much. Hehe, rock on! Dontcha HF Pussy Dolls!;p

I'll have my life. A lot of shit has happened to me, I've endured too much pain. I don't want any more of it, not a single more. I'll get over. Yea I know I'm stupid. You have fun while I get drenched all right?! Thanks a lot. (we both know I wanted this... so much for... aw fuck it all).

Rough Road and Boy Bawang

2005-10-31T21:09:00.000+08:00

I've lost my temper, lost my cool, lost the remaining drop of my inner peace, lost my senses, lost my identity as human... I thought I'll never see the better side of life. I thought my rubics cube will never be arranged and I even thought life will simply be unfair for this one Celine Angue. No, with God, everyday is sweeter than the day before, hehe.
What has happened in the past weeks were anything but pleasant. I don't want to use up my internet time in narrating every single detail either(I'm sure I wouldn't be able to control myself otherwise). Let's just say I was physically and emotionally hurt. I'm pulling myself back up for another time, still my hopes high and praying that this time, the good things will last longer.
I'm waiting for this one person to come here and visit. I know he knows who he is. Drop by, leave something, anything.
Oh and the Boy Bawang. It was only recently that I found out that kornik, particularly the MSG enriched Boy Bawang, can actually be a comfort food (sans the thought of it being dangerous to health, hehe). I slumped myself in bed one night and got this canister full of the very salty snack thingy and crunched myself to corn heaven. I licked my fingers and closed the lid, before I knew it I had already fallen into a nice bear-ish slumber.
Ho hum, thesis in the works. My next article is so currently in the making (I love my new topic, really fun to do, I can sooo relate). So there.
I have been made better after our church service yesterday. I so cried, my tears fell uncontrollably. Sigh...
That's my side of the world...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2005-10-17T10:49:00.000+08:00

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!!!!!!!!! SSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Hihi;)

Good things are happening!

Khakis and dust

2005-10-15T13:02:00.000+08:00

It totally slipped me, general cleaning here at the office! hehehehe, I forgot to prepare my outfit for it but it's all good. We're done cleaning...I think...I'll be on a lookout for a fortune plant later, Heidi and I thought it'd be nice putting something green and living here in the office. hmmmm....

Oh, Ed man worked out, Sir espejo was totally nice enough to understand my past predicament in layouting and he said the magic message that broke my shell that's been keeping me from living for the past weeks "It's not your fault, mahirap talaga mag layout, I understand". Woopie! So there, next week or the week after na yung mag, basta pag na publish na. He took our mag blueprint and said that he'll just base our grades from there. Really nice, that gay guy. Yeah, I loathed him eversince the first day of meeting him, but thinks worked well. I guess I'm passing the test of faith after all. And I just might come out winning in my own personal battle against life and the crap that comes with it.

I had a great talk with Kring yesterday night. I headed to their dorm right after going to Blitz and releasing my rants. I had the best sleaze out time after a long time. I told her things I never thought I'd be able to tell my other friends. And she reacted better than I hoped for. Wow, hope she could read this. Krizia you Biotchy freak of nature you, thank you soooo freakin much, you don't know how much our talk last night means to me. And I really hope it'll happen again, next time sana Bitchy Astro would be there.

Everything has to be balanced. So true. And the wall piece (or as Phoebe puts it, world peace), I'll surprise you guys with it. It'll be small and simple, but it'll be special, wink wink.

About my rants, they could wait. All I really want to do now is to thank God for helping me get out from all the things that has happened in the past month. My faith was on the verge of falling apart but I'm all good. All freakin good! haha! Monday, here I come. IJ, sa huling pagkakataon, magtutuos muli tayo...hari nawa'y huli na nga...

Ice cream sundae, pirated CD, DV 168, hair pampering, new haircut, woohoo!

London, Paris, maybe Tokyo! hehehe, cute Hilary Duff song playing. Haaaay...rest awaits my bedroom. It'll whisper words to me tonight as it puts me to sleep with dream dust from Mr. Sandman... yawn... so goodbe to the sun, goodnight... arevoir for now, tata!

ito nalang ba talaga...

2005-10-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

Si Judas at si Barabbas... play's over. I sit here in front of an off colored computer monitor (at Blitz net cafe) typing my heart out after what seemed to be momentary torture (but within the length of that moment, me wishing for minutes to pass is beyond description). This, I must admit, has become my biggest, most complicating test of faith, and I'm still fighting the battle with all the faith I've got. Music sucks here by the way. This frigging song originated by local balladeer Rey Valera's on. I forgot the title (no matter how often I've heard this and knowing that Sharon Cuneta also sang this I still don't know what it's called). Rock band/long haired tight fit pants pinoy band made for Japan version...uh...spell out annoying. Good good, they're chaning it.
So there, it's taking months now since I last saw the brightest of Mr. Sunshine's rays. (Cute, this sweet R&B song's on, so laid back, really nice). Back to my rant fest, ah, I know, I'll encapsulate all my bitter thoughts into one line of pure celine emotions: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

HIndi parin eh...ho hum.

I was trying out my friendster here a while ago and like for 3 consecutive times of attempting to log in, the friggin thing won't work. It told me that my email ad was invalid. I was numbed by everything that's been happening yes, but to be user reported in friendster was like, oh God why me! But then again, the same phrase goes to every hour of my day for the past, how long...two, three months. This sem was just so down right crappy. Like hard core crap sem. I mean, really. I haven't been completely happy ever since...ever since when?!

Ah ok, I'm like the last person here now, now that Benz is gone. Have to go, gonna get back here. I really really have to!

Blurts and idiosyncrasies

2005-09-28T19:01:00.000+08:00

This is in gratitude of your utter kindness and patience.

So what has happened to the getaway?

I was having a blast. But like a surfer challenging larger and larger waves for added thrill, I think I just met the wave. I was drawn in a black hole of flabbergasted emotions. Boy, was it tough to avoid being sucked in and turned into fragments of nothingness. My head's still hasn't been drawn, with the brain and all still properly attached, as I try to gasp for the air that people should breathe.

My throat hurts, and my head feels like it will crack open anytime soon. Got too much work to consume, though it seems I am the one getting consumed. I arrived at home yesterday with a high fever, and I can't make myself get out of bed.

This too shall pass.

But there was this fact that I neglected. I always had this corner I could always run to whenever the world's out to eat me. The corner's just waiting for me, ready to nurse me and warm me in its preferred orange blanket of comfort. That corner will always tell me to smile, and will never stop telling me that there's light in every darkness that I walk into (Rivermaya thinks so, too).

And so the untold drama of Celine Angue lives on.

the getaway

2005-08-26T11:01:00.000+08:00

This is certainly not the time to do this, but if I don’t… oh God help me…

Procrastination has once again got the best of me. I’ve got a long over due article in HF (which I plan to squeeze in between lay-outing) to be passed today (no more excuses, I’ve made enough and if I do, I should best burry myself in the deepest pits of humiliation), this gof-friggin lay-out for our editorial management project (which by the way serves as a really big fraction of our group’s grade, so basically it’s as simple as saying, do this or die…um our group consists of half the class…you do the math). If only our professor wasn’t such a rash-insensitive-biotchy-homosexual life could’ve been less complicating (and irritating), and if only our PC at home didn’t crash in such inexplicable timing, I could’ve made wonders out of the extra time…. Ako, ako, ako, oo, ako!

To you, give me train ticket to our pseudo world please. I’ve made my own mess and yes, I do want to get out from it… But I can’t let my own self intentions get in the way, I will get over this, I know I will.

playing pretend

2005-08-12T12:11:00.000+08:00

i have again come to the point where I just want to scrap all my posts in here, finding them all too senseless and crappy... although I wasn't able to do that on my last blog (wherein I buried it into the depths of oblivion) but anyway...

I've got blots of mud on my pants and at the heels of my shoes... aww...I'm bored...

I'm loosing it again. I am not a writer and was not born to be one. Damn, I though this was going to be a good day... Guess I'm wrong, as usual...

Photoshop class!!!

2005-08-05T11:59:00.000+08:00

All we did today in I.T is do photoshop... ahehehehe... fun fun fun! I.T rawks!

I'll post my real entry probably later on tonight, I made one at home (though I'm soooo out of myself when I did it).

I have so much to do.

JUst another post

2005-07-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

I am a procrastinator and I hate it. hehehe, I just did my homework assigned two weeks ago but anyway, I liked this part so I'll put it in:

And so there, to conclude what I’ve done, I noticed that the best way I could improve myself is to stop thinking bad about too much and start to take the road in a brighter headlight. There are better cars on the road. I wouldn’t know how good I am unless I reflect my light on myself. Who knows, I might be a better car.

And hey Tosch, thanks for the goodie bag! The solder is really breaking into pieces, I'm tired of blaming myself, it's the wire's fault. Hindi ko talaga sinisira! hehehe. I'll listen to the c.d later. Enjoy Photoshop!

Add lang!

2005-07-29T10:17:00.000+08:00

Read teany's from www.moby.com, this had JP, Viva and I laughing for minutes. Basta, please please check it out and you'll be happy happy happy, teanys teanys teanys! Read about the different flavours of teany's iced tea, hehehe, and more! When I do get to New York, I'll deffinitely look for that place. Moby, I never thought you'd be this interesting, hehehe.

JFH 208 on a Friday

2005-07-29T10:04:00.000+08:00

Go on Alex, talk all you want about your social concerns and I'll continue with this...hehehe...I.T rawks! Class started about 30 minutes late. We were already waiting for the last 5 minutes before calling it a day, and then she came (weehee!). So there, free internet (except friendster and chat, I could stay unaffected), and listen to lecture at the same time.
Day started fine. Had nice breakfast, woke up quite normal, was able to fix the right props, heard "I Feel Good" in the jeep...and...the van ride! Haha, there was this guy who looked like a cross between Piolo and that Mikel guy from Q-pids and "Instant Ayos" commercial who was on the same van. I was about to pass the barker my money, when he instantly got the bill from my hand and gave it himself. Nyihihihi, awww, you didn't have to! I could have done it myself...but if you insist...hahaha I'm going crazy... And so there. I slept at 2:30 this morning and woke up at 5, so I was a little sleepy then. I tried to sleep a bit, only to wake up a few minutes after with my body half bent sideways, humiliation alert! And cute guy was infront of me. Sheesh... The guy, for some reason, kept looking back (at me? nyahaha, crazy!) Argh, basta...Nyaargh. Fine, Jo keeps on dropping me messages to listen. I'll be back tonight!

Getting high

2005-07-28T12:26:00.000+08:00

Sheessshhh...I am certainly on a high (from paint), I'm at the MPR with Che Che just chillin our assess off before we finally take off for play practice...Matt, I am soooooo sorry I can't come with you, I was actually looking forward to it yesterday, I just forgot to bring my pants! grrrr... Wednesday next week, kasama ulit kita ha, we'll be doing something at 5 next week with the rest of the staff. Sorry po ulit.
And so finally Kelly got the last of Tosch's lyrics and it's all in times' control. Hmmm... so that's done (pray for the best Tosch hehehe)
I got my assignment for LS...Pinoy CSI! wow...pano yun... I think this time I'd have to give props to my IJ book for the contact numbers, PNP, Crime lab, CAV, it's all there! hehehe. I am praying for this one...I wish I could pass it on time.
MPR is having the archive stalls painted, kaya the whole place smells of wet paint. It is now currently wrapping my heart with chemical toxins but it's ok, hehehe. Later at 5, LSTV meeting. I also have Decreto works and term paper to do, plus IJ review. God bless my soul.

Blog addict

2005-07-27T10:30:00.000+08:00

I'm at E-bless, I was sorta ecstatic to check out Tosch's oh-so-conceited pics (for sure I'll come home late tonight) so there, boogie, you are crazy. At 11, I'll have play practice (supposed to be at 10, grrrr...) then staff meeting at 1. Visiting the slums with Matt at I dunno what time, and whatever will happen after will be of God's will...haaay...
I won't be posting much in Friendster no more (to those I have filled up their inboxes I am so so so sorry! JP, thanks for letting me know! hahaha) not unless this also takes up inbox space ah...Viva...does it? churi po.^_^').
>>just want to leave a message. I am happy. I hope it'll last.

Droopy!

2005-07-25T22:32:00.000+08:00

I am actually sleepy right now. I feel like my eyes are getting droopy by the minute, but I will not give in tonight! Hehehe. After sleeping for about two and a half hours this morning, I think that it’s but appropriate to end up feeling like this around this time of day. I am so dead tired. Just to add this, my background music is No Ordinary Morning by Chicane, really really nice and relaxing, it’s like I’m being flown away to my dreams.
Life has treated me exceptionally well this past few days, no rant whatsoever. Um…hmmm… See it’s boring when you’re not dominated with angsty emotions, posts seems so simple and typical. Hehe. And I can’t even make it long (probably it’s also caused by my droopiness) but heck, who cares. Now Chicane has just been changed to Iris, another sleaze back track. Awww man, I don’t think I could carry on with this crap. Ima be bouncin out. Just check out my lit blog, Ima be postin new works there. I’ll try to give mahself another sleep el grande!

www.wallwhisperer.blogspot.com

Farewell Adbusters...

2005-07-21T19:56:00.000+08:00

Usually, when I say I have to get things done, I end up doing a long blog post. I am very much aware that this will do me no good, but hey, um…Hey! (sheeesshhh…) Time runs so fast…
I have recuperated almost 100 percent, compared to yesterday when I slept nearly the entire day with a bad headache and congested head, yes, not only the nose, the entire head. It was pouring hard this morning, and to save me from getting drenched, mum and dad offered to drive me to Kawit, weepee, rare offer. The test in I.T already started by the time I reached the room but I got to take it nonetheless.
With an untouched “baon”, I headed home a few minutes after going to the kubos with the girls, Kelly and Joross, and oh, Chic went with me as well (she got down at Rob Imus). Again sleeping at the jeep (traffic was a total pain), and the baby bus (the wind and sun was really really nice), I got off with a plan, I will get my sun loaded, look for the black headset I wanted to buy (but I won’t buy it yet, I’ll just check if it’s still available), and drop by Copenas to buy this oddly beautiful magazine called Adbusters, which I have eagerly anticipated in buying since I first laid my frail dirtied hands on its oh-I’m-not-worthy cover.
I stopped by the cheap stands that had phone thingies and asked if they had the black headset. Being the eager beavers, they showed me headsets which were not compatible to my phone (of course, I didn’t took that against them), and shoved me a shouting green one as in the sort of green that would remind you of the infamous Mighty Morphing Power Rangers, at least that’s what happened to me (manong, ah black ho…sige po wag nalang).
Walk I did like a patient little girl with a bad case of sniffles and asthma (I was on my way home, might as well drop by the places I need to go to, it was so early). Hoping to find Adbusters, I went to look in the mag rack…to my horror, what used to be two piles of soggy worn out magazines turned into four neat piles of new magazines with grinning smiles of Lindsay Lohan and Ashlee Simpson (my total weakness, young pop American over achievers!). I was freaking, where the frigging heck is my Adbusters!!!! To no avail, I did not find even one magazine close to Adbusters… Even after flipping through all the mags, nope, not a single cover made out of brown carton (and I’m sure that’s 100% recycled). Argh, Tosch if you only bought it ahead, I wouldn’t strangle you to death, I’m sure you’ll lend it to me, grrr. Only that probably I won’t return it back, hehehe. The feeling: Really down…I was so disappointed. What’s with Adbusters? It had these wicked poems and photography, the lay out is just far off, the articles are so unconventional (view points on God and the world domination of machines over time…it might seem common still but their attack is different). Basta, for 80 pesos, it’s a good buy. Awww, what used to be a good buy, is now goodbye…huhuhu.
After browsing through all the other books, I saw a familiar name, my chosen author for my high school final English term paper… Robert Frost. So it was like getting George Orwell’s 1984, same highly acclaimed books, both at incredibly low prices. Now I have a compilation of his best poems plus commentary. Not bad. (Smells bad though hehe)
Jo texted, thanks! This just probably be my “salba bida” in the I.J career…hwah!!!!!! Segment producer in the now rising Com Channel… Good thing I held on to it since my second year…wow…And now sir Ron Gagalac’s our advicer…cool…Congrats Jo for being the newly appointed Station Manager! God bless us all!
This is long enough, Ima get things done.

Sniff sniff...Blekh!

2005-07-19T21:55:00.000+08:00

This is just so sad. So so sad. I am down with the inevitable, unfathomable, exasperating…taptadam… Flu! [achooo…sniff…] It’s been a long time since I had this and this is just not the right time to have it. Exam week for one (got Com Res done today, Ed Man., Ad Man., I.T, Performing Arts and oh no…I.J still coming up), and then there are also the line up of assignments for P.A, Ed Man. lay-out and articles to do, I’m free temporarily from HF (I have always been free from it…shame shame shame!), and other things in the plan list.
My brain obviously isn’t functioning well since I feel like the mucus has been pressured up to my head and the convolutions of my brain’s been clogged with it…goOoey… awww, I hate this feeling. I feel so weak, so vulnerable, slimey, congested (sniff), tired… (yawn…). Friday night, slept at 2, Saturday, since I got home dead tired I slept at around 11:30 and in came Sunday night I slept at 3 am the following morning. I didn’t feel much different not until later on this day (after the Com Res exam). My eyes, I feel, are a few millimeters smaller and they want to give in as soon. But no, not yet…
Nothing much happened. I’m not feeling goth either…for some reason. I think I sort of shook it off when I started singing “Nobody’s home” yesterday. I didn’t really want to be Avril Lavign-ish dark, so there. Instead of being bright-and-sunny-me, I’m down to mucusly-enriched-me. If this doesn’t make me go against the world again I don’t know what would…nah just kidding. I just feel so tired, that’s all.
Fine eyes! You win… I’m getting outta here… tomorrow’s another day. Bye guys! To everybody who will be taking their tests this week, good luck and God bless us all!;p

shut up...keep still 1

2005-07-16T21:38:00.000+08:00

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh my God. Hahahahaha, my heart hurts. You guys can't see it, how can you?! Geeeezzz....this is insane....fcukin fcukin crazy I'm telling you. I'm all out of my wits and sensible self, excuse me...I just have to let this out, my fingers are shaking...

Day highlight
Pinoy Blonde - a must watch, It's all good! Pop culture at its best.

Shnit...

I don't want to fly like a cannonball...I really don't...I'm depressed...

I.T Rawks!

2005-07-15T10:22:00.000+08:00

Weepweep... I enjoyed the glow of the sun today and sat where the sun was shining inside the creaky baby bus on the way to school. I loved seeing how the sun made my hair turn brown and the feeling of heat in my arms (I'd suppose it still had Vitamin D, I went to school unexpectedly early).

So what's in today. I deffinitely have to fix my acads badly. Got a lot of homework and other activities to settle first. Of course, there's still I.J... hmmmm... grunt grunt... Haaaayyyy.... the things I'd do in I.T... Ma'am Salvan, you're the best!

I'm supposed to be making a nicer blog post but...Keith, get off me...and don't sing I Honestly Love you...So Bon Jovi naman? Wehehehe...I just love seeing Keith laugh, it's one of the world's greatest mystery, if you can actually call what she's doing a laugh (we just suppose she's laughing since it's the most appropriate reaction...nyehehehe), is that a laugh or is she being possesed by a a.Bird b.A rock star? c. THat couldn't be a laugh now could it?.. Jo's hair's messed up! Call the paramedics! Call HAIR DOCTOR!!! weeeyoooweeeeyooo... See, I'm happy, and this isn't another angst ridden blog post like what I always do.

But then again...uuuyyy...magsuklay daw ako...wehehehe. I'm still searching, missing...damn am missing...hurting and depressed?! I don't know, bahala na.

Fragile...

2005-07-15T10:04:00.000+08:00

Fragile
Maria Mena

I've been walking around all day laughing
Think I'd be better off without you here
And I bet you're sweet and hard to get over
So I'll cry and people will stop and stare
Now that's ok, let them stop and stare
Cause I am fragile
I am hopelessI'm not perfect
But I am free
I've been walking around all day waiting
And waiting is all I seem to do
Cause I never get it unless I'm fed it
But this time I'll just have to
Yeah, this time I'll just have to
And I'm fragileI am hopeless
I'm not perfectBut I am free
Say you're not around, am I finished?
If you're not around that's too bad
Hope you're safe and sound, not alone now
Cause you know I believe in you
I'm still fragileI'm still hopeless
I'm not perfectBut I am free
And I'm fragileI am hopelessI'm not perfect
But I am free
Cause I'm fragileI am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free

Hold tight...

2005-07-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

I had a tremendously bad day with a day plan line-up not in a any way followed, a 20 minute turned…5…6…7…8…roughly 3 hour “power nap” (if 20 minutes actually gives powers, I would be a mutant right now, or I might be Darna, you’re bet). Making this post is unlike the other posts, a product of a free time…oh no, haha, as I always say, I should be doing something…dadadada…Yea…

Yesterday, yes finally the beginning of my undercover mission was accomplished and that I owe to Matthew for making great things possible! It sort of started with this right after the staff meeting me: Ah Matt, pano yung direction sa inter-fashion? Matt: Ha? Ano…Gusto mo samahan na kita? Hirap explain eh…kaso ganito damit ko… And so from there, we ended up being at the site from about 2:30 and long enough to watch the end of Naruto. I had my trusty brown loafers, denim pants and this cute striped orange tee, not to striking for the place we went to. On the other hand, Matthew (who really wasn’t supposed to be there) had a peachy pink polo shirt, khaki pants and tada, white shoes! Considering his height, he really stood out…sabihin nalang natin nagbebenta tayo ng insurance. And so here, a paragraph made to recognize your niceness! Hehehe. A true blue feat staff you are. I shall follow your footsteps to achieve great heights (naks!).

Going to the site, we actually thought Aling Bessie (our mentor) wasn’t there. Along our way back before we went to wait for a jeep, Matt got a text that his sked for his other appointment (had to go to Silang for his acads) got canceled. Since we already had the time in our hands, we headed back and tried to get to Aling Bessie again. Fortunately, after hearing a familiar voice, Aling Bessie opened up her door…little did I know there was more to open in the next couple of hours.

She talked, I nodded, she cried, my eyes went teary. I fell silent as she told me the story of her life, her family, the community she was handling...of sadness and bitter smiles. The things a person can do just to live through one day. I can’t type it all. I’ll have to save it for the article. I’m sure, I can get through it. Who cares about fat rats and cockroaches. If they can live with these creatures, why can’t I. Exemptions make life unfair. I’ll find a way to get to sleep over the inter-fashion… The place…clumps of small houses…it’s a community, and when you look up, trusses are lined up completely over the houses. The heavens are above bars literally. Think how this is possible: You’re in grade 5, your daily allowance: 5 pesos. Yea, school’s a walk away, but 5 pesos? And exceeding it would already be too much…

Problems are weighed differently. I can’t completely empathize with the “maralita” situation just yet, it might overwhelm me. I have problems of my own. Understanding people for one. Trying to understand what seems to be one of the world’s greatest mysteries. Running after what seems to be like the road runner who not only runs too fast but leaves deadly traps along the way…and could still smile about it. I, the cayote who never gets tired of running, even after having a one-ton anvil fall on my head, crush on a black painted wall, falling from a cliff…mip mip… Heart beats all the same…mine’s getting tired. And for the one who told me this, I am really pondering on it big time: …maybe He (the Lord) wants you to do other greater things than love… You just texted, and you are one lucky guy. Lucky lucky lucky. Hehehe… Uuuuyyyyy, high school! Uy Kilig, uy kinikilig! Hahaha, yes prayers does work! Thank you. And I’ll be praying for your relationship as well. Take care of your girl. Hurting is to die while living… And studying? I.J is to death, and my cure is to spend more hours dealing with it. Haaayyy, I’ll end this now before I say too much. If only I can post it here…damn…

Am here again

2005-07-13T08:38:00.000+08:00

Just droppin by...aaaarrrgggghhhh...........matutuloy kaya ang undercover mission ko... malalaman mamayang hapon...

Still Typing…

2005-07-13T00:09:00.000+08:00

I don’t want to stop now. Why should I. Nobody would give a damn anyway. Awww geez Swit, drop the books and the corpse, gurl read my blog again and come back to mah rescue! I can’t even call you…ah…text you, I forgot it was you who always called.

I am a garden slug who has just been sprinkled with rock salt. Imagine yellow goo excrete from my slowly shrinking body…

The songs from my playlist are continuously bearing with me through this sentiment pouring. Sick cycle carousel, so so so bittersweet, I am so feeling it. I held on too much to my horse, it did not get me far. It only spun me around this sick cycle and now I’m back to the crap I was and have always been before.

I could cry, think of crying and/ or raise the white flag. But that’s foolish. How many times have I been in his phase. To put it in a way, I got the immunity of a great white shark. Only that the anesthetics are not working, I could still feel it. Can somebody give me sedatives? Prozac at least? Please? Awwww…now Barbie Almalbis with It’s Dark and I am Lonely… I do sleep sideways like a fetus, but with who’s security?

I have been broken. The potter mold me fragile. Naturally, I am mutant. I stand up again after the ashes of my old dead self. Immortal in a way. Resurrection rhetorically. I wipe off my black inked tears and dry my face with white laces. My heart is mechanical. My blood is fuel. My self… who am I to you?

Posts also available at friendster blogs

Glow Worm Celine…Read to know me

2005-07-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

To those who have asked me if I am inclined to the darkside and who seem to think of me as a goth girl like Emily the Strange or that dead girl created by Roman Dirge (I forgot her name but she’s freakishly cute with skull hair clips and this dead bunny prancing around, hehehe, cute). No, I am not into the darkness (but The Darkness is something else, I like “A Thing Called Love”). I am quite spiritual in my own right, I am a bright glowing person like a glow worm, I wear colored star hair clips in school, smile at people I know and acquainted with, and geez, I am naturally crazy (if my friend Jo distributes the CD with our “Ice Ice Baby” mtv, I don’t think you’ll ever think of me the same way again… I just don’t think the production of the CD would be possible, hehehe. Hello, Keith? Wehehehe, magahnda ka! It might end up in Malacañang and create a bigger stir… It’s worst than the La Sallian scandal or Hello Garci I tell you! It’s MC Hammer for goodness sake!)

I just have the tendency to be dark and unemotional. For one I run out of words that’s why I stay quiet, second I am not used to being with a lot of people and tend to them all at once (I like small conversations with less people, it’s more personal and topics are endless), third I just like making my craft dark. I have a lot of angst and emotional disturbances that I’d rather keep to myself and probably share it to the right people. But the devil and morbid death associations, nah, not my thing. I think that death has its beauty and mystery. It’s not always dark for with it comes a brighter light. (God I feel like hell tonight…Strong enough by Sheryl Crow)

My feelings are in no way influenced by Avril Lavigne or any grunge metal rock band or whatever you call it. I am an alternative person, head banging is so not me. I do look wasted and juvenile-y delinquent because of my loose long wavy hair. Combing my hair is not programmed in my system. I do it, but not as often as a typical girl of my age would. Actually, people would just tell me to please do myself a favor and comb it. I’d still think it over before finally doing it. I have broken 2 comb handles because of my tangled hair. No, I don’t have steel wool hair. I am saying too much, I will say more. Treat yourself to some more crap.

Madonna’s Frozen feels cold as is. I think this was the no.1 song in year 2000’s hitlist, like the best song ever or something. Hmmm… I wonder when I could get the same henna design she had in her hands, I have always wanted to get the exact same design. Probably the morning after my grad. My mom told me not to go home when I get a tattoo or get my ears pierced. What I did once, was make my own henna solution. I found this pack of Chinese black “shampoo” which was powdered henna substance, added a few drops of water, got a thumbnail and voila! A good-for-one-week henna ink! Weee! My parents didn’t get to do much when they saw my tattooed wrist.

I am not playing the game as a deep person. I am not a beatnik who wears black and talks in poetry verses, heck I can’t even make a good poem. I am annoyed with the way I right because it does not soar like other writings. Mine’s like so typical and pretentious and exaggerated…but truth is, they’re all real. I write inside the box, it bounces up but not high. Probably when I get more mad, like if Susan Roses DOES NOT become president. Yeah, I’ll BE MAD. What am I saying… Basta, I am not deep and I do not take interest in deep conversations with elitists. Just depends on what topic and what kind of person I’m talking to. If you’re all crap, I’ll give you tissue. To tell me I’m cynical would by far be a compliment.

Keane’s Bedshaped and the former Yellow by Coldplay… my heart is still not mellowed… this is just not the night I guess.

In for the third page! I’m typing this at word. I’ll see how I’ll install this whole entry. I wouldn’t want to put it as one.

I am sad…the night this was

2005-07-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

I don’t know how many times I’d have to say this again. Will it be of any use if I say it now… (excess thought: Bjork may come off too odd for normal standards but she’s an art on her own)… Again, I should be doing something more important but I could not get myself to do it. And no, I will not make an option list again… or maybe not…
a. Too lazy
b. I find no sense in doing it
c. I am praying that time will favor me tonight (oh yeah, as if!)
d. Um…Friggin minutes, before I know it it’s 12am… hmmm…I know, this is like a reward system thing for the past morbid mornings of sleeping at 2am, only reading about the congress, the senate and what THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING… The PCIJ book is good, just that if you get to compare the texts to reality, you’ll be like “is that what they should be doing? Really now…”

Reward system…my same reason for the 3 hour sleep el grande I had this afternoon, haaayyy…

I am packed in the same balikbayan box again with the same thick PACKING tape stickily wrapped around my body and mouth, except for my eyes, since it’s torture, my eyebrows are stuck in packing tape as well. Just how much would that hurt if you peel it off?! Actually, it’s already in duck tape, I just want to restrain myself from cussing because it is so packing frustrating.

Can I ask somebody to pour me liquid bronze and heave me up a cement block and leave me at the Baywalk stretch? I would rather let my heart beat stop watching the sunset and if fortunate enough, also the sunrise than live through desperation and have my heart catch up with my almost relinquishing soul… With the former I’ll die with massive public attention (even a possibility of having my own movie by Peque Gallaga or down to Carlo J. Caparras), but with the latter, I may live with a beating heart, but I will remain lifeless, stoic, and even if I don’t want to say this word since it’s so overly publicized… I will also be hurt… If my Ootsca friends drop by here, I would only be too sure that they’ll stop right at this point.

Thanks Alanis, for setting up my mood, geez…Uninvited, how appropriate. Yeah, watch the stoic squirm!!! Watch the frigging stoic squirm! I have waited for this time to come, the end, the finale, the final fall of the singing fat woman, the curtain call in a play only I will bow down to. Another angst ridden post right at yah! And as Kelly the Vulture boy would sing it, La la la la la.

Death passes...still alive

2005-07-11T13:46:00.000+08:00

I have lived through the whole 3 hours and have finally been called. It was still quite the same, results unchanged, but it's over for now...
Rants and raves, all these and more later.

Minutes to my end

2005-07-11T09:15:00.000+08:00

In a few minutes, I will die again... I will experience temporary insanity for a whole 3 hours...the next following hours will be the effects of a bad hangover, that is if I fail gaian...
What just happened: Camille and I gave Kelly the Vulture boy and Jeaness these crazy gifts hahaha, an L.A Lopez tape for Kels and a Jolina and Marvin tape for Jing, wehehehehe, laugh trip! LAst Saturday, Camz and I rummaged through these sale pile in Oddyssey and found these sale casettes hahaha, super cheap! Jeaness just said "Ito na ginawa nyo sa SM? Ang cheap ng buhay nyo!" hehehe. Kahit papano, sumaya naman ang umaga na'to... haaayyy...
I'll see if I can get back here...if I survive. I wonder if we still have that seminar in Heraldo...

Wonders of the Aircon

2005-07-08T11:56:00.000+08:00

I am now here at the MPR (media production room) with...hmmm...Jo, Tabel, Keith, Diane (who just went out, poor girl's got shrimp allergies, now she has these red itchy blotches in her arms) and the MPR guys (kuya Bert, Kuya Erwin and Kuya Patrick...weee, the greatest hacker I know!)
I.T ended an hour early, so that meant an early lunch as well. Now we're here sleazin out at the radio booth (well, the girls are). So what's new...
Oh yeah, as influenced by Tosch the rolling century egg (or as he says), I have also started my own literary blog. I just haven't entered any work yet, but that's coming up soon, with more Photoshoped graphics.
Hmmmmmm.....eversince I've entered Mr. Gagalac's class, I have been covered skin tight with haunting thoughts and uncomfortability. Now, I can't be over happy. I.J in itself is an emotion I have to carry with me, an emotion that crosses beteween madness and stoicness (but being stoic is to be unemotional...therefore, I am mad...crazy mad). Awww crap...

Thoughts from nowhere...

Nais kitang sandigan, ngunit natatakot akong umalis ka
Gusto kong itago ka, ngunit mawawala ang liwanag sa mundo
Hiling kong magkatotoo ang mga naisin ko
Ngunit sa isang tulad mo, paano?
Masanay sa wala
Mabuhay sa kawalan
Umasa sa hindi mangyayari...
Wala na itong katapusan...

(the fcuk was that for, hahaha, nakakahawa ka kasi Tosch eh. Aw, my lit blog will be filled with even more crap such as this short one hahaha. Even more mushier!)

Gotta go, me gonna watch telesine.

In the Galunggong wrapper

2005-07-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

(incase my email won't work, i'd still have a copy...)

In the Galunggong Wrapper

To start it all off, this almost slipped my mind, thinking that my first post was the final one. But anyway, like a well written diary, there’s just too much to tell about what’s been happening, and passing out on this chance would be unreasonable (I really must do this before 12 AM yikes!)

Like my first reaction, activists and their strong motivation to free themselves from the “un-right” society gets me to thinking. I’ve come to know some fact about some activists getting paid just to shout out other people’s plea. But disregarding this, there really should be more where their angst comes from. So what keeps their vigilant fires burning.

The widowed wife of FPJ, Mrs. Susan Roces for one became a top hit over the week in both prime and entertainment news. Great tactic I must say. With her national T.V appearance, more people got to see her side of the story since she’s a celebrity (slowly climbing to the political level). “She stole the presidency not once, BUT TWICE!” [eyes gleaming with red, head smoking with hot anger, fists hard as PGMA’s conviction]. And what did this do to the greater Filipino people: nada.

Probably some might think more about what Mrs. Susan Roces did and Rez Cortez and Niño Muhlach’s own attempt to make a stir, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s just making the whole scene superfluously messed up. More headlines and write ups, more write ups to be read in the newspaper, and more newspaper to wrap up “daing na galunggong”. Quite a nice cycle.

Just last night, the Gloria gate tape was again publicly aired. This time I heard it on DZMM. After some minutes (and eating dinner with the tapped conversation as a background), it sort of became uninteresting. After cleaning the kitchen, the radio was left open, same voice talking, but attention centered to Kampanerang Kuba. I’m quite sure were not the only family who did the same thing.

Why does it seem like hope is another world from here? Why does it seem like the Philippines is anything but promising. For students who tries hard to work their way up to have a better life, it’s really disappointing to watch the world, or the country, turn into one whole mess made by the exact same people who should be making the darn country better. So they earned the name and the money to buy themselves shiny new cars, now can’t they just get things done?! It’s not funny to leave home having your mother sermon you for your baon and pamasahe. Sometimes, these simple things cause a lot of damages.

There are many options people are considering like having PGMA leave her seat and let somebody else better sit on it, or just simply leave the Philippines for all they care. Now here’s the patriotic Celine comes in wearing her own salakot holding her bolo and hiking her skirt up a bit to keep it from getting mudded: Nobody should leave, OUR country needs US! We can get support by working somewhere else but here, but we’re just leaving the mess behind. We still carry the true blue Pinoy blood. No matter what we do, we’re trashy too. And the best we can do is stay where we are, fix our own messes, do what’s right, and get ourselves active. Sino pa ba magtutulungan kundi tayo tayo din. If we all work together, the Philippines could still get to better days. Yes, the news may be numbing, but we still have our own lives to care about. And it’s not too late yet. It’s time for some big time re-polishing and serious General Cleaning!

And now back to the activists. They just know too much and this lot triggers their passion to take the risk and let more people know about how rotten the system is. In the Philippines, not a lot happens.

Hold my Breath til Monday

2005-07-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

I just came to noticing it today… that there has been a massive production of heavenly bodies lately (or was I just too slow in crawling under my rock after all these years). I’ve seen so many decent looking guys without having to go to Manila, and this has never happened before, wehehehe, at least I don’t remember the last time it happened. (This is like a way of getting myself from being overly depressed from horrors earlier in Investigative Journalism. To ya’ll my Katoto at Com 4-1, you’d relate right! I’m so sure. And I’d rather not publicize it to save myself from shame.) The horror, the horror! Que Horor!
Nothing has been happening. Only that I haven’t slept much. For two consecutive days, I slept at 2 AM just to get things done for IJ, but then again, not everything happens as planned…even if we try so hard to make things right. It’s not too late, sir Ron, may 2 weeks pa diba!? (as if he’ll get to read this). But there’s more to IJ than just the quizzes and recitations. I am actually learning something about the government, and it’s actually somehow interesting.
About my last post, I was actually at the station with the freak-O dude Rene Max! Yup it is not gosh, it is not mosh but I’m The Flaming Tosch all the way til 8 pm… I dropped by after quite some time. I was dismissed an hour early, Camille changed plans and canceled our SM trip, Jing left me for her boyfriend, and I had some free time in my hands that came not so often. It was really relaxing after being there (although my mom got pissed when I told her I went to the station again). Thanks Tosch for playin’ mah music and the two über-sweet putopaos (one I ate that night, the other the following night. I didn’t realize that it was that good til I was down to my last and final bite, grrr).
Free day tomorrow, will I make any development as a student, or even as a person. Nyahaha, let’s just see about it tomorrow. And on Wednesday, first day for undercover mission… IJ… oh my…

Am here

2005-07-01T20:13:00.000+08:00

Am here, somewhere...grrrr. Am going home!

Can I go now...

2005-07-01T09:57:00.000+08:00

I SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS! I.T RAWKS!
hehehe, me er at the lab again wit mah beshie Jo. She actually just got over a severe laugh trip. We went to the washroom a while ago and saw that the middle cubicle was occupied. You know those stereotyped washroom scenes of cubicle doors with big bulky shoes and wrinkled down pants behind the door...that was what we saw except these weren't of a lumberjacks I tell you, we did not get lost in a male washroom either! hehehe, so there we were chatting our heads off. We were there for quite a while, so was the girl behind the door. Jo grabbed me by the arm laughing. I actually forgot that there was another living life form in the same room. Jo laughed uncontrollably. Whenever there's anything humorous associated with the washroom, no, the toilet, expect Jo to get it first. Wehehehe...

Lunod sa ulan

2005-06-30T20:53:00.000+08:00

I have always ALWAYS said this and I am saying it again…I should be doing something important but I can’t get myself to do it because
1.) Too lazy
2.) I don’t find too much sense in doing it (except maybe failing it, but still)
3.) Doing it is torture, read Oedipus Rex and other Greek plays plus do a synopsis and reaction… nyargh!

Shall I procrastinate even til the day I die?! Nooooo…I hope not…

Activism liberates but up to the point of what. I was in a rally last night, too bad though coz when I got home, I was only given a measly 10 minutes to use the pc (I had to play by the rules, I came home late and obeying was the best thing to do), I wasn’t able to update mah blog while I was still hyped up.
Anyway, so there we were, my c0-feature staff writers Cholo and Matthew with our editor Purple sharing one foldable umbrella under the dark vigilant sky. Cholo holding an OUST GMA sign while Matt gradually joined in with the rest of the protesters.
Once you’re there, you could actually feel something. A part of me was flowing with rage and concern. “Pabagsakin si Gloria, pahirap sa MASA!” The real deal of going there was not actually for the rally but for something else. We just had to comply with the situation.
But then again, thoughts filled me up and boggled my boggled brain:
Were do the people go after they’ve soaked themselves in the rain and have said the last of their battle cries? Does it pay the light of their electricity bills? Does it bring them food on the table, even for just one night? Just for that night at least. They live to protest and complain about the trashing government when at the end of the day, they still crawl in the same ground to live. They are defending their own selves, pleading for change. Maybe telling some of them to get a job and shut up would be appropriate, but it doesn’t go to all of them. I suppose some of them do have jobs, only that it isn’t enough.
Mahirap sa mahirap, masa sa masa. When can rich people act on the prayers of these people? When will we see them do what these protestors do? Cry out at night in a highway wearing paper signs that gets damped and mushy from the free falling rain! Pass out hunger and stretch their stomach muscles to shout out their plea?! WHAT THE FRIGGIN HECK IS HAPPENING! I was actually happy to have been there. Seeing Cholo hold the sign made me think that elitists could actually make good protesters (and Matt covered Cholo’s bag with his jacket, hehe. Buti pa yung bag, kiddin!).
And what do we have in the menu today:
The issue of Susan Roses shouting her head off speaking of PGMA’s lies and deception. The final drops of the jueteng issue, which I doubt would end anything
More rallies spread around the metro.
Oh, Rez Cortez and Nino Mulach leading their own protests, now that’s what I call entertainment.
The Philippines is a Freak Show. Untamed animals biting each others head off. Tamers teaching their animals tricks to blind the audience. A wide audience that eats what you feed it and still be happy. People laugh, people cry, people kill and people die. Die while still living. Crushed by the jokes of the system. Standing, waiting for reformation. I could still sleep with this grime pestering the nation. I haven’t done much to create difference.
Open those eyes, the country’s dying.

Wastin time

2005-06-29T10:51:00.000+08:00

AArrggh, where the heck will I find contact numbers...hmmm...
yup, I'm wastin alotta valuable time in here... ayt, I'll go.

Napagtanto ko lang na marami pa pala akong gagawin. Stupid ass.

Haaayyyy Life

2005-06-25T14:32:00.000+08:00

Here at Jo's again, hehehe, hey five minutes break, where else can we go (SM dasma's been boring, we went to ATC right after class wehehehe).

I friggin don't want to hear any Bamboo songs anymore, it sucks so much. I wasn't able to come to the concert last night coz I thought it was gonna rain soooo hard, friggin thunder shnit. I slept at around 8:30 deciding to stay home, waking up at 11 with not a sound outside the window, bad trip. I thought it would have been pourin out by the time I wake up, but nyoooow, it was soundless, still, and not a drop of rain, perfect for the concert! I DIDN"T GET TO SEE IRA!!! grrrrrrrr..... Ira ira ira.... There will be a time for me...wehehehehe, after grad I'll live mah life as how I want it...and by then I'll see Ira;p

I'll get back to this some other time...Ima make a longer entry, I've got so much to tell!!!!! I am beginning to be mean. Sometimes, I just have to do this and be like this. Again, tough luck!

Bitteran si Jo!

2005-06-24T10:01:00.000+08:00

Wehehehe, I am right beside mah beshie Jo and bitter-bitteran siya ngayon, wehehehehe;p We're actually in class right now for Info Tech...Internet galore woOhoO!!!! hehehe. GRrrrr, am missin out REGADA right now. Bad trip. Eh di sana basa na'ko ngayon, hrmph.... Disho borin aaaarrrggggghhhhh, I want to get rid of something, really really badly. Now na please? Phoooey, ima stop this for now.

Why can't I get what I want, if it's what I need, I don't think I'd want to have it....I'm mean, that's just how it is. Tough luck.

Unprogressively Trying

2005-06-14T16:13:00.000+08:00

I am to do this very very important thing but mah darn head is not working well! I cant get it to work for that thing I should be doing…
I’m typing this in hopes of fueling up my dried up and hardened brain…please work please work please work.
Well class starts this Friday, I’m not at all ecstatic about it nor even have the slightest interest in coming back. Na-uh, not moi! Probably I’m just saying this because 1. Blabber blabber blabber blabber, 2. Blah blah blah blah blah, and/or 3. Twiddle Dee dum tweedle dee ho. Yup, I’m choosing all the choices. I mean, won’t you agree with me?! Aww come on, as if you didn’t get it! (typing these…even more nonsense…will surely fire me all the way to Istanbul and nowhere close to that thing I’m supposed to be doing. Let’s try it once again…)
Thing is, I don’t friggin want to go yet and I’ve found solace here at home, with the time in my hands, my legs crossed and not about to run anywhere, my head relaxed, chocolates in the fridge (haven’t had any asthma attacks lately, so far so good), and the music I want to hear within the control of mah hands (instead of novelty songs in the bus to and from school). Ayt, so maybe the “house” thing isn’t exactly mah prime reason, but I’d choose doing nothing than working mah ass off and not getting the right credit for mah work, plus, there’s full load ahead, I don’t think I’d want that yet. But then again, if I pass this year, it’ll be over and I might even say I want all the work back again…fat chance or hard reality. Whatever it is, am going to school this Friday. Smile and laugh, groan and detest to the assigned work, walk long lengths, eat same food, no rest, no sleep, playing with lies and faking happiness to hide truth, listen and hear, answer nonsense, appear again as an idiot, a happy idiot. I will face another responsibility in Heraldo Filipino. That’s what I should be doing. I’ve told myself it’s mah dream and I’ll do what I can to reach and live it. I’m in it now. I’m living in mah dream, with my own effort to get to where I am now. I’m not far yet, I’m still warming up for the race.
Dreams. They don’t come easy. You may be living in it already while suffering in pain. You’ve got to work for it if you want to get somewhere. When you sleep, you can dream about something nice immediately. In reality, it doesn’t always happen that way, so I guess that’s where “reality bites” come in. But if you really work hard on getting something you know would benefit you in return, you’ll also get to that dream. A dream that lasts even longer…better…because it’s real. You wake up still in the dream. It might even last you a lifetime. Say it’s like one Lego block. If you get all your dreams together, you could stack it all up and make something better out of it. Like a well lived life. Death comes anytime. I don’t want to die not having done anything.
It’s not working! I know diesel price has increased, but is creative oil also that expensive? Aww come on! I’m seeing this as my longest blog entry if I don’t cut this down. I’ll get back to this later.

I dropped by a "friend's" friendster profile, saw his photo gallery... To Swit, please read this and check it out, I look similar to Moy's girlfriend! grrrr...Renan watyu think?

shnitzes

2005-05-28T19:08:00.000+08:00

This week was rough. There are so many ways that I could describe this freakin week but I’ll leave ‘rough’ as its prime description. Twisted, stupid, idiotic, dark, whacked, abnormal, high, unbelievable… Say I’m equally stupid, I’ll gladly nod and give you a dos por dos to whack my head open (ooohh...the Kinder Egg surprise is back…splag…eeewww…the free toy inside’s broken…and I haven’t eaten the chocolate shell yet…mom!!!). Ironic enough, I feel goth but I’m bobbing my head to the old school Pizzicato Five’s Sweet Soul Review (Hola!). I’ve been inflicting problems to mah self again. Thinking nothing about problems and the stupidity I’ve made consciously. That’s the problem when you’re stupid, you can’t tell yourself “how could I have been so stupid!” dang, you are stupid, that’s as far as you can go…well…unless you profess to be more than just that or claim to be not-stupid...yup, no sense (-_-‘) Let Her Cry…Hootie and the Blowfish…I feel this song…I just feel dried up, no tears here.
So what is it that’s been flooding my brain and ruining my sanity… Haha, I wouldn’t consider putting it here as an option. Geeezz…and then what? Get messages saying “Problema ba yon?” “Ok lang yan, matatapos din yan” “Tigilan mo na nga yan” “You think too much but know nothing” or “Fcuk off biotch! Get a life”…The last one, I totally got from nowhere…hey, I’ll never know, and with these chances I’d rather not risk it.
Basically the main thing is that I…that’s all for now.

Angst driven posts are really fun to make. When you’re like so filled up with all shnitz and stuff, you really don’t know what’ll come out from you. You’ll be surprised with what you just did; it’s so filled with honest emotions. Like when you’re in love and you make a post about it (I’m feelin’ mushy…You and Me! Lifehouse is totally back!) after some time, when you reread it, you’d notice how much lies love can make. It makes a total fo0l outta you but you wouldn’t care. You’re in love and that’s what matters. It’s possibly all that matters. I felt that, once, twice…in handfulls…haha. And when that love gets ruined and done and over, you’ll make another post, an angst driven post, yet again full of emotions, this time, it’s honest. I am so not saying I’ve gone through a similar case. I just know…

I fortunately got in Heraldo Filipino about 2 weeks ago (the official publication of DLSU-D) after about 3 consecutive times of trying out. Thing is I was tasked to make an article which calls for some real action (I find it hard to do since I’m not used to doing this. But hey, I’d have to anyway, I’d better start now. Besides, I’ll still be moving around the four corners of the Luzon map...kidding! Manila’s the farthest I’ll go.) Kinokondisyon ko muna sarili ko. Yeah right…too much of it though. But I have started already and I’ve made action plans.

Tori Amos is a goddess on Earth…

My OJT’s done. I wouldn’t say am bidding farewell to the station I’ve been spending about 100 plus hours in, besides, it’s about 10 minutes away from mah house… So basically that’s done…

Old time fave-O

2005-03-22T17:59:00.000+08:00

I'm so relaxed right now, God's effect ;p I did another craft session with myself last night, I designed my old pants with sequins. Ima wear it next week when I get my classcards. Wow...hopefully, my last and final year in college...to early to say, but it's coming closer faster than I could imagine. So many things have happened, so much but it all happened too fast. Anyhow, I thought it might be nice if I put in one of my most treasured songs in my music archive for old time's sake. Oh yeah, I ate frozen Oreo double delight in peanut butter and chocolate...mmm...heaven...and these Asia heart shaped chocolate with tiny frizzy popping thingys...yummm (just popped another one in my mouth!)...I pray that I won't get another asmathic reaction after 2 days...I never learn...

Over the rooftops a plane in the sky
Beat of a bass drum cars passing me by
Under a bridge dark then back into light
A river of raincoats and a forest of faces

Still for a moment then red into green
Slow shuffling shoes whisper sight unseen
Row upon row of houses return an empty stare
Let the daydream for a little while longer

Ah.. yeah...Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you(yeah) hope I’ll never wake
Cos now I’m thinking about you

Two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain(oh)
sing me a rainbow it’s sunny again
Swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below
Could I (could I) keep dreaming for a little while longer

Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you
So that you know - I never want to wake
Cos now I’m thinking about you

When you’re searching your soul
When you’re searching for pleasure
How often, pain is all you find
But when you’re coasting along and nobody’s trying too hard
You can turn around and like where you are

(yeah and) I hope I never wake
When I’m thinking about you
And I close my eyes (dear)
Now I’ll never never wake
Why should I stop thinking about you

>>>When I'm Thinking About You...by The Sundays
.

I can totally relate to this song right now...but I'm not dreaming of anybody in particular...maybe...

When you’re searching your soul
When you’re searching for pleasure
How often, pain is all you find
But when you’re coasting along and nobody’s trying too hard
You can turn around and like where you are

When I get all steamed up...Gawad Tala night

2005-03-21T16:55:00.000+08:00

Considering my post last March 17, I must say I’ve pretty much blew my self off… As I’ve expected, when I woke up the following day, it was as if nothing happened. I was actually happy to have typed in such an angst-driven post (weird me, lame old weird strange crazy me…all self professed…some might say it’s all too stupid). I was able to finish the last touches to our thesis, having our adviser and past panelist review the thesis before I finally passed it (Jo was busy documenting the judging of our media production projects, so she got me to handle the final editing.)

Gawad Tala just passed (March 19). I wouldn’t want to remember much of it though. H2O (our movie) won Best In Visual Effects having no other movie to compete with in the same category (tama, kung wala ‘to, wala kami) and May Pagka – Ano… got Best Actor by Jeffrey Paloma (I was like, Oh my God! I was so surprised with the turn of events). Nippon Denzo (Pinilakan, Com 3-2) was really good. That was that for Com 3-1 (and oh, Jed got Star of the Night for wearing this F4 inspired golden wig, which suited him well). Mainly Com 3-2 got most of the awards, while Babylon from Com 3-3 (a.k.a Babaylon by Sugar, hahahaha) won best Director and, yes, Best Film.

The minutes and hours after the ceremony…Com 3-1 were scattered outside TJF, unlike the other sections who were already busy taking their pictures. I gave Jeff a congratulatory hug and took pictures with anybody who were about to get their pictures taken. Jerwyn initiated a night of fun for all of us and I quickly agreed (during this time, I was already out of my head.) I told him I can’t coz I’ve got company. After some minutes of more camera flashes and Woohoos, I went back to the car where my parents and the driver were at and decided to end the night. I texted my friends were they were at…this was when I blew myself off again. They were at Hubsite, having a blast. Kuya said we go to Jollibee for dinner, I took it as a joke and tried to laugh it off, again, my rotten insides churned with envy. My friends were having fun, while I was inside the car, unknowingly on its way to a fast food resto…in a gown and 3 inched sandals. Red ribbon was closing, hahaha I said. The engine started again, this time, we were on our way to McDonalds. My devilish persona came out that night, texting my friends with a message filled with envious swearing and cussing. While I was like this, they kept on texting me that they were having fun.
At McDo (I wanted to run away so bad), I texted Swit, Ren, Jing and Camz. The same message for Swit and Ren, I forgot what I sent to the other 2 girls. So there, I felt so different, my innards stiffing with anger, but for some reason I still got to talk to my brother with a smile. My personality switched every few minutes, but my texts were consistently bad as they were. I was swearing in the most rudest Tagalog cuss words that I never wanted to come out from me. They were surprised, I was too. This was the thing, sa sobrang asar ko na nag-mumura ako, lalo ko pang tinindihan dahil nga inis na’ko, which just messed up everything even more. What I really wanted to know was if I was missing out on a lot, if they were a lot of people who were there to party. For about 5 times I asked them that, but nobody answered me and instead, lalo pa sila nang inggit (I only knew the next morning na sila sila lang. If only I knew earlier, I would have stopped). It just got me so furious. I even flicked the left out trash on our table in McDo infront of Mom and Kuya.

Alam ko ayoko na, I had enough, but I can’t stop, something kept holding
me back

…. I kept on texting and texting…cussing and telling them how I envy them…
Jing finally suggested I get some sleep, at first I told her I can’t and I won’t, but I could not keep myself up so after reading the Bible, and texting them one last time, I retired with a blurry mind…I was so tired…para akong sinapian.

Waking up was another story. I was trying to sort things out in my mind earlier in the morning and asked myself what just happened. Before I finally ended up with a conclusion, mom came in my room, Keith was on the phone. From the conversation, she made me feel like I needed to change my life, like I needed professional help fast. That I needed to drive myself from the turmoil I went through the other night. I didn’t know I was THAT bad. She was with Jing and Camz that night, I didn’t texted her any of my crap coz I know she doesn’t swear. Nagtaka daw sila kasi they knew I wasn’t like that. I said sorry and stuff and that I too was surprised. She told me to go t church and release my anger there (I said I will but unfortunately, di kami natuloy ni Kuya). The whole they yesterday, I was contemplating. I told kuya how restless I was feeling inside and he said I should be thankful for it was my conscience that was working hard inside me. I texted my girls sorry for the other night, I also apologized to mom and Kuya. Gradually I felt better. That night I had a text conversation with Jing, yun pala tinawanan lang nila ako. (Jing and Camz slept over at Keith’s that night). They can’t sleep trying to figure out what happened to me, and imagining what I looked like ranting in McDonalds with a fuchsia and green tube gown and a pair of 3inched fuchsia sandals, hair curled and a make-upped face. Hindi naman daw nila sineryoso, abnoy at engot lang daw talaga ako. Sabi ko ang halay ko, she agreed. Hehe, but that’s how it is. I couldn’t understand it for myself, they couldn’t either. The best they could do is not to assume they know, because they don’t and they won’t. Partially I know, but I don’t want to let it out. I might start another cycle. Camz texted me if I had a problem and that if I could share it with her, again I felt so malevolent. I apologized and I just said I wouldn’t want it to happen ever again. Jeaness (Jing) relieved me so much I want to thank her a thousand times more. She made me feel like I really don’t fit to be bad and mean, sila lang daw kasi may karapatan maging mahalay! Hehehe, I love my tropa so much. Even if sometimes I want to go on alone, I really can’t kasi I know I need them more than I’ll ever know. Jing drove the subject away from my self infliction, and asked me about um…J.E, the guy she just dumped, actually she didn’t really dumped him, it was just that she didn’t took him seriously (she has a boyfriend), he took it otherwise, and now finally she gave me his number (dati ayaw nya talaga, sino pa daw ang madamot! Hrmf). I had fun making much kulit with her and the issue about J.E. She so wants me and him to be together. Natatawa sya, pareho daw kaming parang bata…hay naku…

Later on last night, I opened the Bible directly to Psalm 38 and read up until Psalm 40.

Psalm 38:4-8
My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.
My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning.
My back is filled with searing pain, there is no health in my body.
I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.

Psalm 38:21-22
O Lord do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God.
Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.

Psalm 39:1
I said, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.”

Psalm 39:7-8
“But not, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools.

Psalm 40:4-5
Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look too proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; where I t speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

Psalm 40:17
Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.

He acted too fast on me, I prayed hard last night, in turn he gave me great dreams, I woke up with a smile…though my day hasn’t been that pleasant, I’m still happy I’m getting better. I pray that it won't happen again.

Feel Good Song...

2005-03-21T14:23:00.000+08:00

Unwritten
Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah

Plight: What You Get When You Live on a Dream

2005-03-17T16:59:00.000+08:00

I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM! I FREAKIN’ WANT TO FORGET THE DAYS WE SPENT TOGETHER! I HAVE BEEN FOOLED BY MY OWN STUPID STUPID FREAKINGLY STUPID SELF!!! I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE FAR. I WANT TO LEAVE THE MESS I JUST MADE AND RETURN TO FIND THAT EVERYTHING’S OVER…CLOSE MY EYES…JUST CLOSE THEM…I’m nearing closure, I feel it so bad I want to cry…I thought I already got used to it but it hurts more right now. Inside I’m banging on walls, jumping high to the ceiling and falling back on the floor. I can’t stop and I don’t think I even want to…I’m crying, shouting and continuously banging inside, not knowing where all would lead to… It’s hurting me, puta but WHY? My heart hurts terribly, literally… I thought he was there for me…he was but not in the way I THOUGHT! I am so foolish, hoping for something I’ll never have. Why did I expect anything in the first place? WHY THE HELL DID I EVEN PUT MEANING TO EVERYTHING…EVERY DAMN LITTLE THING THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN KEPT SIMPLY THE WAY THEY ARE. I FOOLED MYSELF! HAHA! I GOT YAH! I WANT THIS TO END! I DON’T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE ANYMORE! I’m always left under the back wheels, inaatrasan pa. I pretend to be loved, I imagine myself being loved by someone…The little things we do together, I stitch them ALL up and patch it in my heart…until I fall again…fall…fall deeper…BELIEVE that he also loves me…deep…deep…Learning too late THAT I’M FALLING ALL ALONE AGAIN!!! I don’t want to think of love as something that would make me complete because it’s totally tearing me apart right now…but I don’t want to loose hope on getting things better. My hero will come to rescue me, only me…I’ll feel true love someday…though I want it to be soon, I’ll have to wait…

No matter what I say, nothing’s making me feel better. I can’t take any more pretensions. This would go on as another pity trip. I’m taking the ride, so what…

I read it somewhere, and it’s enough for me to realize I’ve gone too far once again… I haven’t learned anything, have I…Probably all I’ve gotten from all this crap is that loving is such a beautiful thing. It cracks my mouth and bends the ends of my lips to form a smile; it keeps my heart thumping and my posture steady. It tints my cheeks with sudden flushes and my hair flow like a silk cloth on soft water rapids…It makes me want to look at the world in brand new light…too bad he turned it off for me…Rather, I chose to close it to keep me from going any further. He loves someone, I didn’t know it. Words explained it, just a simple worded line crushed down my Berlin wall. He really was the guy I knew he is…he showed the love I’ve always wanted…to SOMEONE ELSE. Just as I typed this, tears formed in the brink of my eyes and the tip of my nose felt congested…but not a tear fell from these eyes…Though an ocean flows already inside me, weakening my lungs and heart, killing me a bit ever second. This is how I really feel. I feel so terrible. I know I’ve felt this way before. And I should already get the drill, but I don’t want to go through this again. Can’t he love me…Can’t we love each other instead? No, he can’t. No he can’t. He’ll never do…Maswerte sha…she’s living my dream. I was left cold and grounded in my reality. I’ll have my time…May naiiinggit kaya sa mga taong may miserableng buhay? Kainggitan nila ako, tingalain nila ako. Once again, I’ve lost it…

Wala nang astig. Wala na. Kaibigan, salamat. Napaka buti mo, hindi ko lang talaga matanggap na hanggan ganito lang DAPAT tayo…mabuti rin at wala kang nalalaman, siguro hindi karin naman mangingialam kahit na malaman mo ang sitwasyon ko. Ayoko nang maalala pa ang mga nangyari noon…Susubukan kong mag simula muli…hindi kita minahal…

Run, as fast as I can, to the middle of nowhere, to the middle of my frustrated fears and I swear, you’re just like a pill, instead of making me better, you’re making me ill…you’re making me ill

My car crashes...in my head

2005-03-14T11:01:00.000+08:00

Mock defense was in some way successful, having only to revise some minor parts. Sleeping over at Jo’s paid off somehow… After staying at home the night after, I left early the next morning with my sling bag bulging with clothes…Sleepover at Keith’s for our Telesine shoot. It was cool that all of us were there and that we really did worked hard, as in I still feel the pain up until now (my left thigh still hurts after doing the fighting scene) Yeah, we all worked our assses off all right!

The Highlights

-The 6-12 shoot! We returned back at Keith’s at exactly 12 midnight. Earlier during the shoot, our plan was to eat out at 7-11 and scavenge for balot, but then we all got too tired to walk farther so we headed home. We were so wasted and unusually subdued but after seeing the dinner served at the table, our eyes glistened with joy! We gorged up literally regaining the energy we lost. This would actually show that the fight scene is something to watch out for!
-My new nacho recipe…ground beef, pizza sauce, potatoes and salt and pepper to taste! Woohoo, sure was a hit!
-Jerwyn’s Ma-Ling Pacham soup, which he kept on insisting was not a soup, but we knew it was otherwise (he poured it on his rice, ulam daw kasi, but we ate it from bowls)
-the tiring heat
-the actual sleep (2-6)
-Jo’s OnKey Mic
-the bonding (it was really something special)
-Scary stories with Jen, Che and Diane
-Cable TV!
-Reviewing of scenes
-the shoot
-Ice Cream!!!
-the last scene
-going home…

Jed and Jap started editing today. I think they brought baby Buri over at VM. They haven’t spent much time with the cute baby for some time.

I can’t get my script started. I am not inspired. I don’t know what I’m supposed to put it. My brain’s not functioning now. I’ve fallen in love too fast and too much before. To much that I think I’ve had enough. Wala pala akong kwenta. I’m happy when something good happens to me, otherwise I’m a useless piece of crap who doesn’t give a damn about anything else. Who tries to be someone else better. Another person who’d make…well…sense. Something’s been happening to me lately. I know I’m not like this before, and if this is the effect of all the pressure that has been going on this month, I doubt it because there are other people that I know who worked far more harder than I did and they’re not the least bit like me. I’m more sensitive right now. Parang lahat, tingin ko gusto akong awayin kasi nga I’m useless. And the thing that has been filling up my mind for the longest time now is still annoyingly active. I can’t make anything out of it, KASI WALANG NANGYAYARI! Argh, I need to get a fix, just one text from him, that all I’m asking for.

But then everything shall come to pass. This is yet another psychological mess I’d have to conform with…Please stop, I don’t want this no more…

How can somebody so romantic…so right… be still single. He’s in love. That’s really nice. I hope that the girl loves him back. Treat him the way the way he deserves. Not make a fool out of him. Tell him that he brings out a whole new definition in perfect. Let him sleep with a smile on his face, his fingers safely intertwined with hers. Stay with him even after the sunset. Listen to him plan the life he chooses the both of them should live. Listen to him as he sees the world. Look at his eyes and get lost inside it with his soul. Take care of him and make him feel like he’s the most special person in the world. The way I will, if he was mine…

I know myself, I’m not in love. This may be the crappiest I could say right now, but he’s too good. I could list down a lot of bad things about him, sure, but what’s the use. I’ll stop here.

Background music line-up:
You Should Let Me Love You by Mario
Clumsy by Our Lady Peace
Car crashes by Steadfast
It's Over Now by Natasha Thomas (Lacoste)
Name by Goo Goo Dolls
-totally appropriate songs...it all just happened and were not in a any way intended...

Stoic...Fozen...melting

2005-03-09T15:02:00.000+08:00

I am in need. I'm finally saying it, I need someone...argh...now's not the time but this is all I'm ending up with. I've been hellishly tired with tons of workloads (Sir Valerio suggested we do some major revisions for our Thesis, and Mac defense is on Thursday...wow...). Ima sleep over at Jo's tomorrow to get our thesis done. Live show's also tomorrow...pictorial today went well...

I saw this couple get all mushy and stuff inside the jeep on my way home. I didn't exactly imagined myself in their position, it's just that i came to thinking...foolish...this just isn't right. I should get some sleep before I type in nonsense here. When I get the chance to, I'll totally write in what I've been feeling lately...

I don't just want to look, I want to feel (here I go again...)

Moonrise festival, how I wish I could join in...

Thank you God!

Vini Vidi Vicci...tama ba?

2005-03-08T15:57:00.000+08:00

I came I saw I conquered alright. It took me 3 hours to finish the features test and I had to pass out on the literary exam since I was running out of time (I got so drained, my brain processing got slower). But I'd rather keep the rest of what happened to myself.
Busy day ahead tomorrow. We'll be making the set-up for our variety show to be used this Wednesday at TJF, Jo and I have to meet up with Sir Valerio at 11:30 for thesis (I would have to miss out Rizal...oh no), and our pictorial for the telesine exhibit is also tomorrow!!! I also plan to take the Lit test, but I'm still reconsidering....

GOd, I know you can make me do all these, thank you!

the day that was...really boring

2005-03-07T11:12:00.000+08:00

I rested the whole day yesterday.

I couldn’t believe I had the day for myself, I didn’t plan ahead so, what I ended up with was an unproductive half day exposed in radiation. Having sat in front of the computer almost the whole day got me floating out of my head by dinner. After volunteering to wash the dishes I called up my bestest friend Swit (haven’t called her for months! Hmmm…it’s really fun to get connected back again to old friends. I was surprised by how much we’ve matured…er…if that’s how you’d call it).
Describing my day yesterday, I’d say it was boring, but I wouldn’t exchange it to a hectic-nonsense-Tuesday schedule! (Technical writing at 7, REED follows, it’s alright but still, and then Rizal comes at 11:30…grrr)

I got a message last Friday (from my friend George, the copy editor of HF), encouraging me to take yet another competitive exam in Heraldo Filipino (If I’ll take it tomorrow, that’s my 3rd attempt. After taking the last 2, I already accepted by incompetence…but I am so purpose driven, I’m not planning to give up just yet). This really means a lot, but whatever happens to me tomorrow, I’m already thanking God for leading the way.

I’m coming to reach for the door again. I feel like I’m outside wandering, and I’m looking for a place I belong…a place where people doesn’t have to get along with me as an obligation, a relationship that goes beyond than just being “classmates”. Another place where everybody knows my name… (Cheers) I’ve always wanted this, and I know that I need it. It’s time for me to take a step up and go for something I want for a change. Besides, I’d still have my friends around anyway (I’m sure they’d understand).

I’m scared to take it again; scared to know I’ve blown the chance away once more…argh, I really should shake it off, it won’t help…

My main purpose…I’ve got
two…keep it steady Celine…keep it all in your head…

STill here...

2005-03-05T10:07:00.000+08:00

Hwah! Isho fun in here, if it's possible to stay here over night I will. It's getting late and they're outside "site seeing' hehe. We ate pizza... really really good pizza. And yes, I danced! Woopeeeh! Plus I finished a part for a thesis so that's done (haha! It took me 3 2 hours for one page...double spaced! nyahaha). So there, gotta go! So much to be done, so little time!

Something happened, I just pray I won't get busted...argh!

Background music
Get Right by JLo

What's in today

2005-03-05T05:01:00.000+08:00

-Ima here at JO's place...erm...gotta go, we be doing somethin. Just droppin by a quick message...woohooo..1, 2 step here I come! (make way Ciara! haha) Hopefully we could also get things done in our thesis (yeah, I wish) Go Nuts Donuts! Argh, I love 'em now!
Jing, Camz, Janette and I met up at Jollibee Imus, then we went to ATC, dsaw Jo, got donuts,ate Kare Kare (yummm) ate the donuts (more yummmm)...blah, blah...later! hehe

Caught up in 2 Steps

2005-03-04T13:13:00.000+08:00

Highlights of this day

-40 minutes late in tech write but was still fortunate enough to take the quiz! (of all subjects I tell you!)

-I stayed in school for 2 hours to watch my friends practice for next week’s variety show (nakisingit ako! I also danced! Haha, I can’t help it. They…erm…we…danced a part from 1,2 step and another bit from Caught up! It was so much fun)

-Rizal sucked (we had to do this seatwork…it was so long and useless…)

-tomorrow, I’m gonna be at Jo’s house with Camz, Janette and Jeaness…my real purpose for being there would be for the thesis but I’m sure I’ll still join in while they practice their dance, hehe ;p

(aaarrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!! I just felt like letting that out)

Done finally, yet still temporary

2005-03-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

MTV!!! Wooohooo! Tabel and I picked it up at VM this afternoon and it's officially done. Kuya Carlo (the kulit editor) liked it and said that out of the other MTV's he edited, he likes ours the best! hehehe, (I wish this doesn't come out to the other sections...besides, it didn't came from moi!)
The political parties had their meeting de avance today at the avenue with Sinag, Sentro, PI... I heard Tina's campaign when I got back to school from VM and also Ara's (I was also with them at the St. Paul seminar and she's running for President under Sentro).
Nothing too significant happened, I guess only the unofficial reconciliation with the guy I loathe...
Oh!!! I watched KUng Paano Ko Pinatay si Diana Ross! Man! It was so fun! The story was great, the stage designs was alright, performers were totally entertaining. Jap was great (as expected) what came out surprisingly was "the kiss", Tophe and Jed...holy crap... I am so proud to have been in a batch filled with such talents! Jerwyn bagged 4 awards yeasteday at the student awards thingy...he's not human...
so there, I gotta roam around still here at SM (I'm at Universe cafe). I'm trying to complete my storyline for my script so I guess I'd be a walking wall again...

Getting away from...

2005-03-02T06:28:00.000+08:00

I'm here at E-Bless tapping my mind away. I went here alone and chose to leave my tropa at JFH (they're practicing their dance number for next week's variety show. I was assigned to be the stage manager, so I'll just wait for the following plans).
I slept at 1 this morning after having a very long talk with my good 'ol best guy bud Renan. Haven't talked to him since Christmas eve. Before I finally gave up and said bye, he left me blankly staring with a mind full of thoughts. It was from the things I said and he let me analyze the conversation we just had (he always does it, I don't know how he could). I didn't want to think too much last night since I still had to study for 2 quizzes (the one in Tech Write got canceled and I got an 18 over 20 in REED, not bad...) so I finally retired that same hour...I slept with still the same thoughts boggling my already boggled brain. I'd rather have it this way...
I've been feeling different lately. I want to walk alone, and not talk to anyone. I find solace in isolation for some reason...Letting out the loner that I am. But one thing's for sure, I want to sleep right now. Have this really long sleep and get up with not a single work to do... (aha, that's my reason...I don't have enough strength to socialize...nyargh) I am also falling apart...
But then coming back to the flat ground, I would have to once again leave. I'll be going to VM editing house to edit our group's MTV (Skalikasan), I am so tired!!! I forgot to take my vits this morning.
I just re-read my blog entry, yeah, I am tired... I just hope this won't affect our MTV.

(I'll be watching Kung Paano Ko Pinatay si Diana Ross tomorrow. I have to see Jed and Jap perform!!! I can't wait)

Back at the swivel chair

2005-03-01T14:15:00.000+08:00

Tiring day. Tiring, tiring day...
I continued the shoot with Vanessa during Com Res break and man! These little kids went crowding arounding me when they saw Vane and I talking to one of their friends (the cute little boy named Benjie who was really nice enough to act for our MTV). As to show my gratitude to God, I gave in to the the little twits (yeah, they were twits all right!) and bought them what they wanted (I don't know what was going on with me...I felt so high and all I was saying was yeah, whatever, okay, sige...ah, I think I get it, coffee+crammed thesis+story board+time pressure...hmmmm) And so that was that. And then I went off to Imus with the rest of the girls to buy Chic a birthday cake from Goldilocks and some fresh fruits (the girl had to spend her 20th birthday in the hospital for having typhoid, poor Chic...) On our way to our first itinerary, we passed buy a vehicular accident with a badly damaged Jeep and an armored van lying on its side with a bunch of men hudled together at the scene. So there, (Kuya's here, argh!) Jo and I ate fishballs, then we went to Goldilocks, then off to the hospital we went...hmmm...

The guy I loathe...he did this "I worship you, I believe in you" gesture (got me so dissed), said he can't come in the editing...blah blah...argh...

I heard this great song on the way home in the bus (I used my phone for decent music). I haven't heard for a long time. Heaven by Live

"Heaven"
You don't need no friends
get back your faith againyou have the power to believe
another dissidenttake back your evidence
it has no power to deceive
I'll believe it when I see it, for myself
I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive
I sit with them all nighteverything they say is right
but in the morning they were wrongI'll be right by your side
come hell or water highdown any road you choose to roam
I'll believe it when I see it for myself
I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive, yeahdarling, I believe, Oh Lord
sometimes it's hard to breathe, Lord
at the bottom of the sea, yeah yeah
I'll believe it when I see it for myself
I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive
I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset I can see the sunset
I can see the sunsetI don't need no one
OhhhhI don't need no oneI don't need no one
I don't need no one
To tell me about heavenI believe
I believe it, yeah

Starting off from this

2005-02-28T01:25:00.000+08:00

I really should be doing something very important right now…argh, illustrating for my group’s MTV storyboard…getting video clips from the internet (that could eventually get me sued for breaking the copyright law if ever I get busted) I still am reconsidering though. I’m not at all up for it right now, and my reason I’d rather keep to myself.
This is actually my 2nd attempt to blogging. I sort of lost interest ever since friendster lost its fame. I also realized after reading my first blog entries, I figured that I write too much crap. I just can’t get myself to write something substantial. I don’t know exactly what I want, but I know I’m lacking something...no wait, no. I’m lacking someone. Here I go again…If I wrote too much crap before, the hell who cares! I’ve had enough of keeping it all to myself. I need somebody too keep my systems working, someone to pull me up from this sand box I’m buried in after I jumped off from the swing I was on when I thought everything was already going right…A person I could finally say I..I…hrrrrmmm… But then again I have to get myself fixed or else I won’t be able to get anything done.
I gotta get back here again tomorrow! I Have to! Nobody would listen to my rants since the people who I’d most preferably share it with would definitely be feeling the same (good for my other Ootsca friends, they’re done with their MTVs. Friggin’ director…why oh why does it have to be HIM!)
Can’t do much about it now anyway… There’s so much to do and so much to be done. I’m taking advantage of the time while Kuya’s not here. He went to SM to watch 2 movies by himself. All I could say is, I don’t want to make the same mistake again.

God I know You’ll make my life better!