I got off the phone at well pass 11. Since I took my vitamins right before the call (before nine o’clock), I didn’t feel tired that quick. Closing my eyes without falling asleep felt like a short eternity. I’d fake a sleep, feel the time pass slowly in long stretches, finding out that only a few minutes have passed in my cellphone. And then finally, Mr. Sandman came to drizzle his dust on me, the sparkly kind that doesn’t induce sniffles when you breathe it in. And then, I started flying over a field of doughnuts.
One hour more… my sanity for the rest of the day depends on it…
Behind the shower curtain, with the music coming from my little transistor radio, I felt like the lead in this sucky TV series, with the credits popping out of nowhere. Guess it’s just another day like all the rest (or a bit better, depends on how I’ll do things. Knowing me, heck, it’d me a miracle if I don’t screw things up. Sigh.)
Consider me jobless. It’s a pain that I couldn’t call myself a student and use it as an excuse for not earning and contributing to the economic growth of the country. Ugh, plain crap. Now, instead of über late articles and project due dates, I have job finding to preoccupy my mind. I can’t be a bum for long.
This is like the beginning of my longest dreams. The starting line to my most serious race. Sitting will never get me anywhere (well, depends where I’m sitting…hmmm.) And so I must find a job, no matter what. Damn, I just don’t think I’m competitive enough. Yeah, cool, I finished in La Salle, but it doesn’t always follow that I’m automatically given a bright future after college. Not that I’m whining about it. I very well know what’s in for me. But within the four years of staying in, honestly, I don’t feel it’s enough. Oh… I think I’m getting it… I wasted my time. Yup. Chances were there. I let them pass me. Damn.
Blaming would be worthless right now, like totally useless. It’s done. Who would make use of rants and fault finding now that everything’s over? Now that I’m in the aftermath, all I can do is make use of the things I accumulated from the past, and bravely face the future. I can fix my mess up anytime I choose to. And I’d say, that time is now.