Saturday, June 03, 2006

(a post made in June 1, 2006)I bathed in sweat this morning. Drops of liquid trickled down my damp neck and down, strands of wet hair flat on my forehead. I was roused from my uneasy sleep, but chose to stay a little bit more in bed. I was still dreaming, and I wanted to extend the dream even if I’ve already gained back consciousness… The sun was up and the sky showed no sign of rain for today. The early morning sunshine came in to my room. The early morning sunshine was what it always was, hot and merciless. The heat was inside. I was hot. Sweating hot. My white pillow sheets absorbed the dampness, while its pure cuddly goodness helped me remember the dream I had before waking up. With a little twist of imagination, and recalling my past when the dream used to be real, I was back on track.After sniffing up the last grain of Mr. Sandman’s dream dust, I set my foot on my tiled bedroom floor, my other leg lazily bended on my bed as if thinking whether to follow the other leg or not. I breathed air in deeply, yup, I was still alive. Not long after, my other leg went down. Good leg, now get going.My messed up hair was a style on its own. No amount of Aquanet could ever make my hair stick up as wildly as it was when I got up from bed. The sun shone through the strands, my hair was becoming more brownish… or it could’ve been just because of the sun. I got my purple soft scrunchy and without combing, I tied my hair up in a ballerina bun and went out to change my clothes. I checked the 500 piece puzzle I have been working since yesterday morning in the dining room table. Seems like the elves didn’t go sneaking in the other night. The puzzle was left undone, unfitted pieces laid around the partially finished artwork. I fitted a few pieces before getting the walis and pandakot. “Just a few more” I said. It’s been an hour and I was still left with 30 pieces. (Flashback: I slept at around 12:30 a.m. in attempt to finish the puzzle. I wouldn’t have stopped if it wasn’t because of a quick brown-out which happened at 12. I took it as a sign to stop.)My life isn’t as interesting as others. My mom doesn’t go out for work in laboratories, cloning cockroaches. My dad doesn’t work for a company in Uganda. My dogs, although I’m quite proud that they’re a bit out of the ordinary, are not celebrities like Shiloh or Lassie or Benjie. They’re plain old Bridgette, Kelsey, and Popo. And I, though I’m a self-professed frustrated writer/ artist, I still haven’t earned much to legitimize my claim. And here I am, amusing myself with a big puzzle. All the thinking made me think more. The more I realized I was wasting time. I stared at the puzzle for a moment. I thought it’d be nice if I read a few pages of a novel, and so I did. The heat was in my brain now. I took a bath.

twisted_celine [ 5:46 PM ] | 1 comments

Monday, May 29, 2006

I find solace here at the internet cafe near our house. Despite the occasional noise from the gaming room (this day's really good, no players came today I guess,) the white walls make my eyes rest, my mind focused, and absolutely connected to the life I should be having (which I may have purposely deprived myself of...) The world is under my typing hands now, that's if this third attempt to be here would get noticed.

I should be posting something about my bookapades but I'd save that some other time. Although I have already found peace in here, I think I'd also want to go home with at least some money in my pocket (darned house internet connection.)

Melisa Bank have written words in a voice I have always tried to have. I practice to have my own style, but recently (actually just yesterday,) I found a book called A Girl's Guide to Fishing and Hunting but the said name, and found myself impressed by how pulling the book was. Without wanting to regret anything for the day, I imitated my brother and told myself "I'll come back for you later. If you're still here, I was really meant to buy you."

To put it short, the book was where I left it and after choosing two books (the other one was Love Treasury with quotes about love from different famous names like Kafka and Tolstoy) I settled on buying the novel instead (I know how love feels, may have been fooled by it, but I know what it is.) I also thought that being reminded of how painful love can be's the last thing I need right now. So there, I went out from Book Sale with a giddy smile, feeling I just made the right decision... I'd say i did.

Kuya and I trekked the whole of SM Mall of Asia just like the tireless mall rats that we are. We went to all the bookshops there was and ranted after every few steps about how many people there was and how it affects the air conditioning. Kuya'd say "is it just me, or is it really hot in here?"
On our fourth bookshop stop (Power Books), I got myself Love in the time of Cholera. The same book in my ultimate love flick Serendipity.

I'm not taking the painful parts of the book against it (A Girl's Guide...) I mean, the book wasn't even written for me. But what should have been the lighter, mushy, squeeze-yourself parts, where the ones that tore my insides to pieces. I know the feeling's inappropriate now that I... well... sigh. The problem with carrying self burdens. hehe... it's just all gone now. I may not have wanted it but... sigh.

Well, that's all for me to swallow. The aftertaste may change anyway. I just couldn't tell now.






twisted_celine [ 7:34 PM ] | 1 comments

Friday, May 26, 2006

I was at the SM Mall of Asia Yesterday (May 25) and wow... It's absolutely mall heaven...

A lot of people... like thousands of them probably... and among them I saw...

I had my pic taken beside a huge bottle of Coke! Now how's that for a fun mall?! hehe, you won't get to see a lot of those in one day, seriously! hehehehe.

Edell invited me to go out for a movie at Mall of Asia... really rare invite.

twisted_celine [ 5:54 PM ] | 0 comments

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I’m gonna work really soon. It’s not another one of my plans to apply somewhere, assuming that I’ll get accepted wherever I want to. Some may remember me, hesitating to answer a direct “yes” whenever asked if I want to work in a call center. Ask me that question again, I’d probably still be hesitant to admit it… or actually, be partially thrilled to confess that what once was my last option, is where I’ll be in the coming days.
I have let the chance of applying for my most dreamed of publication job pass me by in a crackling, time freezing snap… *snap*
Once I applied for the first time and gone through an initial interview in a company for the first time. Passed a stimulation exam again for the first time. And surprise surprise, got accepted for my first ever job after my first ever final interview. Where? At a call center. All right, a prestigious call center at that, I’ll give ‘em props.
I haven’t started yet so what’s with the ranting? I’d assume right now that you don’t know me yet. Well, welcome to my mind, where every bit of life is a point to rant about.
But then again, what do I know. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad after all. For one thing, I’ll be moving out, which is like, what I’ve always wanted. Second, it’s going to be in Makati, a not-at-all-bad place to be in (much more, live in.) And… hmmm… perhaps if I’m in a better mood, I’d be able to find more reasons to be happy about this unexpected career thing. Oh, Jen’s gonna be there and so would Tosch, two people I’m close to and could talk to when I get there (and share my wrath with if ever.) Top reason would I guess be having a job. Get my own moolah and stuff…
So what’s new? I have had a sissy-ish interest with miniskirts and how much change it could do to a massively gifted person like moi and also how it goes so well with high wedges. I have been sleeping so much lately that I usually get dream hang-overs. I have a pimple, which seriously sucks having it that I haven’t had one for the longest time. The 50 pesos Globe unlimitxt have kept me sane and awake for most of my not-sleeping hours. My book of quotes is almost filled up, and still my phone’s full with even more of ‘em. I’m getting a job and losing the least bit of my life, that’s what’s new! Hmf.
Ate May celebrated her birthday last Monday. Kuya Mark (with Kuya Jeff and Ariel) picked me up from my house to Island Cove (Fisherman’s Deck) and met up with the others. Fun night actually, although I was quiet for the most parts. I didn’t want to compete with the amplifiers near our table so I let myself fly into space while I eat my sisig and drink my “Sweet Surrender.” Oooh, not only the name’s good, the cocktail stood well by its name. Ate May’s boyfriend came, mushy time the two lovebirds had.
What is it with me and…? Damn. I…, totally I do. But… If only I can go to… with… I will… him good, so good.
I don’t now anymore. Argh, I know but sh*t, I don’t want to!
Love happens to be my fuel. No matter how bad it goes for me, I keep running with it, living with it, grasping every tiny bit of it until there isn’t anymore to hold on to… I’ve so many to say… not now.

---I'll be starting in July 4 pa! Wow, 4th of July... so American...

PICS PICS!!!

twisted_celine [ 6:39 PM ] | 0 comments

Friday, March 31, 2006

I got off the phone at well pass 11. Since I took my vitamins right before the call (before nine o’clock), I didn’t feel tired that quick. Closing my eyes without falling asleep felt like a short eternity. I’d fake a sleep, feel the time pass slowly in long stretches, finding out that only a few minutes have passed in my cellphone. And then finally, Mr. Sandman came to drizzle his dust on me, the sparkly kind that doesn’t induce sniffles when you breathe it in. And then, I started flying over a field of doughnuts.
One hour more… my sanity for the rest of the day depends on it…
Behind the shower curtain, with the music coming from my little transistor radio, I felt like the lead in this sucky TV series, with the credits popping out of nowhere. Guess it’s just another day like all the rest (or a bit better, depends on how I’ll do things. Knowing me, heck, it’d me a miracle if I don’t screw things up. Sigh.)
Consider me jobless. It’s a pain that I couldn’t call myself a student and use it as an excuse for not earning and contributing to the economic growth of the country. Ugh, plain crap. Now, instead of über late articles and project due dates, I have job finding to preoccupy my mind. I can’t be a bum for long.
This is like the beginning of my longest dreams. The starting line to my most serious race. Sitting will never get me anywhere (well, depends where I’m sitting…hmmm.) And so I must find a job, no matter what. Damn, I just don’t think I’m competitive enough. Yeah, cool, I finished in La Salle, but it doesn’t always follow that I’m automatically given a bright future after college. Not that I’m whining about it. I very well know what’s in for me. But within the four years of staying in, honestly, I don’t feel it’s enough. Oh… I think I’m getting it… I wasted my time. Yup. Chances were there. I let them pass me. Damn.
Blaming would be worthless right now, like totally useless. It’s done. Who would make use of rants and fault finding now that everything’s over? Now that I’m in the aftermath, all I can do is make use of the things I accumulated from the past, and bravely face the future. I can fix my mess up anytime I choose to. And I’d say, that time is now.

twisted_celine [ 5:54 PM ] | 1 comments

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I was supposed to post a ready made short story I made for Purple, but apparently, it's not with me... ho hum...

March 24, oh gawd we're actually graduating. I still can't make complete sentences. I'm running out of words and, and my brain's like really preoccupied right now. Truth is I have loads to do today... let's just say I'm fuelling my brain right now to get it working for the whole day.

But with the quality of writing I'm doing right now, I don't think I'll be going too far.

I friggin know what I want to do with my life, i just don't know how i'll do it. New York, advertising, big money... fame. The glitter and glamour. But how... when... why?

what for...

March 2, I went to one of Niccolo Cosme's photo shoot in Imus and the following pics are all I got in my prehistoric diskette... or as Niccolo puts it... grunt... the wide grinning guy's him, the other one's his New Yorker apprentice...




and now here are my vanity pics... yeah... vain (see... i'm so not making any sense)


twisted_celine [ 9:28 AM ] | 0 comments

Friday, March 10, 2006

I am sitting waiting wishing. Thesis Thesis Thesis...

twisted_celine [ 1:52 PM ] | 1 comments